Highest Scoring Team ($15)
The Course Rangers
Coach Ewoldt
151.62 pts
Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Scallon Express
Coach John (3rd time this season)
Deebo Samuel - 38.2 pts (Back to back weeks)
What a finish to the regular season! UNREAL. Not a single playoff seed decided until the conclusion to this week’s games and boy did it come down to the wire.
Let’s dive in.
Though it was mathematically improbable, Qualley could have given up the #1 overall seed with a loss this week (were Hunt to win and outscore Qualley by 73 points), but with Qualley facing the Chris' Scrantonicity All-Stars, a loss also seemed unlikely. Particularly after Justin Jefferson’s return to the All-Stars ended prematurely after suffering a chess injury and being sent to the hospital after catching just two passes on Sunday. But Qualley’s team, in their first game without their freshman phenom Tank Dell, couldn’t take advantage, Tua and the Dolphins DEF could only muster about 20 points last night, conceding a shocking upset to Chris and the Scrantonicity All Stars. It’s a huge moral victory for Chris, who picks up just his 4th win on the season, but also claims $20 Bounty for 2023, and is personally responsible for snapping the Des Moines Football Team’s eight-game winning streak. You can follow the entire trajectory of this season’s bounty below. Qualley, despite the loss, would not be outscored by Hunt by 73 points, and that means he still is our 2023 regular season champ and grabs the #1 overall seed for the championship playoffs. This gives his choice of the 5-8 seeds, and as of this writing I can reveal to you his pick. But not just yet. Read a little longer.
The #2 seed Hunt would earn with a win this week, and this too was a bit of a grinder, but in the end, Hunt would pull it off, 102-89 against Nick. It’s Hunt's first X-IA division title since 2015 (keep in mind he played in the BSC from 2018 to 2021, where he won a division title there in 2021). With Nick losing, this opened the door to having the Cul-de-Sack title usurped by his fiercest rival Curtis, but Jord and the Shirt Brothers would do him a favor, as his team, who is essentially the LA Rams roster, would take care of business, knocking off the 3-Peat Pick ‘Em Champ 131-117. This gave Nick his third Cul-de-Sack division title all-time and third in five years. Jord, would earn a wildcard bid with his win, and his 5th playoff appearance, 2nd all-time (tied with Jack, Nick, and the Commish’) and two behind Drew, who has 7.
The other wildcard spot secured with a win this week was via Ewoldt and the Course Rangers, who after starting the season 7-0, did everything they could to miss the playoffs in the weeks that would follow, but clutched up when it mattered most, and beat the Scallon Express in an absolute barn burner, 151.62-151.53. Ewoldt, finishes the season 9-5, and grabs his 2nd wildcard and 4th playoff appearance. The Scallon Express, who finished the season losing 4 straight, and whose only hope at a playoff bid was via the PPG route, came just 5.07 points shy on the season to claiming that bid. A heartbreaking final game on multiple fronts after what seemed like it might be a runaway season for the Express following their 5-1 start. Tough one, Scallon. Next year, my friend. If it’s any solace, Qualley used his selection of first round opponent to seek your vengeance:
Finally, we have the two PPG playoff bids, and fortunately, my very own Dierks’ Heathens grabbed the first of which. It was the tale of two bananas for the Heathens this year. The first banana (weeks 1-7), far too ripe, smelling more like a bag of tuna left out in the Phoenixian sun all day than a banana, had the 3rd worst PPG in the league (101.1 PPG), a record of 2-5 and a coach who contemplated each day a new way to end it all. The second banana (weeks 8-14), the absolutely perfect ripeness, smelling like a bag of tuna freshly nuked in the microwave for the appropriate time, and smothered in plain, wonderless yellow mustard, had the best PPG in the league (132.2 PPG), a 4-3 record and a coach who thought a little less about his own death.
The second PPG bid and final seed in the playoffs was a little bit tighter, as the frontrunner heading into the week, Austin, posted just 91.29 points this week in his win over Drew’s embarrassment of a team, and opened the door to being outscored on the season. As mentioned above, Scallon would come up 5 points short, but Jack and Tuna with Mustard, would come up even shorter, as Saquon Barkeley nearly made up the gap last night, but in the end fell just 3.39 points away from the playoffs. It’s only the second time Jack has missed the playoffs since he won his first championship in 2017. That left Austin, and Goffpocalypse, on his yet another roller coaster season, as the final playoff entrant, in his second playoff appearance, grabbing a PPG bid in back to back seasons. Jack, for his silver medal would be awarded first seed in the Consolation Bracket and first choice of the 5-8 seeds in that realm.
And that’s a wrap on the 2023 regular season. A dramatic year with several #1’s, and our tightest scoring spread ever. The league continues to increase in parity and I am here for it. Good luck in the playoffs, gentlemen.
$20 BOUNTY
Hunt earned this year’s bounty Week 1 by posting the lowest score of the week. He would beat Jesse Week 2, and TC Week 3, before losing the bounty to Jord in Week 4. Jord would then turn around and lose the bounty to TC in Week 5 and TC would hand it off to Drew in Week 6. Drew would lose it to the then undefeated Ewoldt in Week 7, who would lose his first game, and the bounty to Jesse in Week 8. Jesse would keep it in Week 9, beating Austin but then score the 3rd lowest point total in IFL history in Week 9, 48.76 points, and lost the bounty to Curtis in Week 10. Curtis lost the bounty to Qualley in Week 11, Qualley beat Scallon in Week 12, and Ewoldt in Week 13, before losing it for good to Chris in the Bounty Brawl Championship in Week 14. Chris is the Bounty Champ for 2023.
Bounty holder record this season: 5-8.
TOP DIVISION
Despite another solid week from the Cul-de-Sack, Papa Jord’s holds on and finishes as the IFL’s top division for 2023, and that makes sense as they have the most teams (3) represented in the championship playoffs, grabbing one wildcard and one PPG spot. This is their 2nd consecutive season as top division and their 4th all-time, tying the Cul-de-Sack since they joined the league. The Boy Scout Cyclones finish last for the 3rd time in IFL history, and accordingly, just have a single representative in the championship playoffs.
PICK ‘EM
Chris nails the tricky MNQ and picks up another win on Qualley. Next week bonus points will be up for grabs as we get into playoff pick ‘em.
