Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Barry Manilow’s Big Finishers
Coach Jack
167.60 pts
Highest Scoring Player ($7.50)
The IFL Stars
Coach Curtis
Tyreek Hill - 46.10 pts
Bench of the Week
Burt Macklin Ninja in Training
Coach Brat10
Kenny Stills - 26.60 points
Benched for Devin Funchess - 7.10 points
And we’re back, for our fifth season of the IFL, and opening weekend couldn’t have come at a better time. With half the league being at Drew’s epic wedding Saturday, the much needed recovery day Sunday couldn’t have been any better than with nonstop football on the TV as we nursed our Jell-O bodies. Literally writing this right now, 72 hours later, every muscle in my body is still sore. But well, well worth it. Congrats to Drew. It was beautiful, man. The league salutes you and your wife.
But Tyreek Hill doesn’t care about your wedding, Drew. Tyreek only cares about racking up all the fantasy points he can, and it helped propel Curtis to a 147 - 133 victory over Drew. Welcome back to reality, Drew.
Curtis was the 16th ranked team in power rankings, but that’s fantasy for you. The 14th ranked team put up the most points this week, as Jack reminded us why his team is the reigning champ, riding two 30 point performances form DeSean Jackson and Michael Thomas, propelling the Big Finishers to a 168 - 117 win.
Our game of the week really was just that, albeit the lowest scoring game of the week, coming down to the wire on Monday night, with Scallon eeking it out 96.70 - 96.38. Set the “Number of Games Le’Veon Cost Duncan Counter” to 1.
Jesse, Nick and Joe all turn in 145+ point performances, signaling their respective team’s potency. AP racked up 22.6 points for Jesse, who has an excellent team without AP doing anything special (Brady, Zeke, Sanders, Larry), so if All Day keeps that up, watch out, man. Joe’s homeboy Luck is finally healthy and looked good, throw in OBJ and Gronk, and Joe ain’t messing around this year. Nick’s trio of Rodgers, Cobb and Antonio Brown is one that I really don’t want to face. Just watch out for these guys.
Pre-season #1 Hype Zone got off to 1-0 start, handling Gurl Scout Richards n the Boys, 125 - 112, despite a middling performance from Stafford and Goodwin putting up a goose egg after getting hurt in Sunday’s game. Ewoldt also left 30 points on the bench, so I wouldn’t worry much that the hype was overblown. Not yet anyway.
Best Team Name
Time to call it. The entries for best team name did not disappoint this year, and the votes showed it. A tight race all the way around, and almost every team received multiple votes.
Let’s breakdown the top 3:
tied for 3rd place (5 votes)
Jord
Gurl Scout Troop Leader Richards & the Boys
Jord's clever use of Gurley as Gurl Scout and the crude photoshopping of Jord’s head on a black child’s body, contrasting with the near perfect photoshopping of Gurley’s head, lands him some votes, but not quite enough.
tied for 3rd place (5 votes)
Ewoldt
Hype Zone
A well performing serious entry? Maybe it’s the aesthetically appealing HZ logo. Or maybe it’s because the hype is finally warranted.
2nd place (6 votes)
Joe
Stranger bros
The identical haircut and the remarkably similar facial expression are just too perfect. Stranger Bros scores big, but comes up just short. Joe lands top 3 once again. GG.
1st place (7 votes)
Drew
slick rick & the firepoles
Drew said in his wedding speech, that Rick “taught me how to be a man”. But the bigger reality is, Rick taught us all how to be a man. Even if you’ve never met the guy, just the mere image of him, holding his catch like an aquatic trophy, barely allowing himself any outwardly sign of happiness, you know what a man should look like. We all want to be like Rick, and in that way, we are the firepoles. Rick’s teenage funk-punk band name carries Drew to Best Team Name 2018. Drew will get to submit punishments for our 2018 IFL Loser of the Year.
The Cul-de-Sack has finished as the top division 3 out of 4 seasons, and they aren’t slowing down in year 5. The BSC went the opposite route, posting the 3 lowest scores of the week, matching their low aggregate power rankings.
Division Overall W-L:
CdS: 41-19
DD&B: 35-25
X-IA: 31-29
BSC: 13-47
Your boy follows the consensus and goes 4 for 4 to start the season. I’m coming for that Pick ‘Em title belt, Curtis.
Big things a-brewing this season.