Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Tuna with Mustard
Coach Jack
172.83 pts
Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Dierks’ Heathens
Commish’
Brian Robinson Jr. - 31.9 pts
As anemic the scoring was last week, this week was conversely full of life, and Tuna with Mustard burst from its clearly inadequate bag, ready to be soaked in stock yellow condiment, and tossed TC Schefter back into the depths of Nelson’s basement. The 173-92 beatdown was the highest score by any team since Week 14 of 2021, when Ewoldt’s HypeZone scored 199 points, but who also had an additional roster slot that year, a 2nd TE. The battle of the two-times ends with Jack headed to 2-0 and TC to 1-1.
Speaking of Ewoldt, that guy went out and picked up Adam Thielen last Friday, started him, and the now Panther’s 20-burger led Ewoldt to a MNF comeback win 126-114 over Austin, and the Course Rangers also begin their season 2-0. Some light work from GM Ewoldt. 👀
But you want to talk about GM moves, then you have got to out and talk about Papa Jord himself, and the literal resurrection he performed on the stone cold dead, rotting corpse that his team was going into last week’s Waiver Wednesday. Jord’s already broadcast this to anyone that will listen, but so that his story may be recorded for history, I’ll transcribe it here. The guy’s entire draft strategy was foiled by 3 suspect actors, who may or may not have been in cahoots. Reach for Amon-Ra St. Brown in Round 2, pick 4 - Qualley reaches even more for him with Round 2, pick 1. Draft Garrett Wilson instead; Aaron Rodgers goes down after 4 plays, completely tanking his value. Target David Montgomery in Round 5, pick 13 as his 1st RB of the draft; TC takes him Round 5, pick 10. Take Antonio Gibson instead, who promptly looks to be an afterthough week 1 behind Brian Robinson Jr., and he’s dropped like a sack of potatoes before Waiver Wednesday last week. Target Anthony Richardson as his QB in Round 7, pick 13; no sir, Aaron takes him despite already having drafted Jalen Hurts in Round 2. Draft Daniel Jones instead, who following the worst Giants game in recent history against the Cowboys in Week 1, is also quickly trashed. Oh, also take Jerry Jeudy with the round 4 pick thinking the Broncos are back with Sean Payton, and even if he was healthy, the Broncos don’t exactly look back. Now, all that led to Jord’s being power-ranked 14th to start the season, and 16th heading to Week 2, but the guy goes out and spends $84 of his $100 FAAB budget on the season equally between two Rams - Puka Nacua and Kyren Williams.
Seemed a little heavy, especially for a backup running back in Kyren, but in case you’ve been off the grid since Saturday, Rams starting RB Cam Akers was declared “out” right before gamestime Sunday for no discernable reason, allowing Kyren Williams to post a near 30-bomb, and Monday it’s announced that Cam is being actively traded by the Rams. Meanwhile, also on Sunday Puka Nacua sets the NFL record for most catches by a rookie in his first two games (25) and most catches by a rookie in a single game (15). So with one desperation play on Waiver Wednesday, Jord has done the impossible and saved his team from the absolute brink of eternal damnation. The best part is that he didn’t even play Kyren and still sailed to a 135-81 victory of his former roommate, but consummate gentlemen Qualley, doling out a little revenge for Qualley’s possible role in the attempted demise of Jord’s team during the draft.
In other news, No Nonsense Nelson got the best of the Anabolic Spudman, 129-111, sending Drew to 1-1. Aaron is one of four teams to remain undefeated. Suck it, Drew.
X-IA has a huge week spear-headed by Tuna with Mustard, and course-corrects into #1, but by just a single game, with Papa Jord’s and the Cul-de-Sack hot on their tail. The Boy Scout Cyclones continue their slow start.
For the first time probably ever, Ewoldt sits atop the pick ‘em standings. He does so being the lone picker of his very own Adam Thielen - the top MNF WR. Qualley also off to a hot start.
