Superbowl Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
DSM Football Team
Coach Qualley
180.11 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
THE GROOVERS
Coach Hunt (4th time this season, 2nd week in a row, and with 4 different players)
Tee Higgins - 38.9 pts

IFL Superbowl XI was a foregone conclusion it seems, after seeing the epic comebacks Jord and the Control Room mounted in the quarter- and semi-finals, and the absolute indomitable will-to-win, Brady’s team just folded, mustering just 97.04 points in their second-ever Superbowl appearance, which allowed Jord’s prodigy quarterback Jayden “Him” Daniels to score his second thirty-burger in a row to cap the game for the Control Room during SNF. Then, as victory lap, the Sun God Amon Ra St. Brown would put up a 20-deuce, to make the final score 131.39 - 97.04, and give Jord his first IFL Superbowl ring in his ten seasons in the league. Jord, who had made the playoffs 6 times before, and the 2019 IFL Superbowl VI, but fallen short every time, finally sees his team through to the finish line. Prior to this victory, during the 16-team era, Jord had the most wins of any coach in the league to not win a championship (77), and that title will now pass on to Nelson (73).

Jord, who in a season marred by injuries across the league, was able to trade his way to the team he had hoped to draft all along, curtesy TC, and while that meant sitting on a bum Cooper Kupp for 5 weeks, Kupp’s return to the Rams was productive, averaging 17.2 PPG to propel the Control Room to a Papa Jord’s division title and #2 seed in the playoffs. Though Kupp’s all-time bomb-out in the playoffs, averaging 3.3 PPG, was rough, it was compensated by Jord’s DEEP squad, and captained, of course by Jayden Daniels. Daniels would finish the season as QB3, but Jord’s #1 draft pick Amon Ra was also WR3, and his TE Trey McBride was TE2 despite scoring just one TD all season. It didn’t hurt, either that Jord rostered the RB7 on the season, Achane. Those four studs would account for an average of 91.9 PPG (23 PPG a piece) over the course of the playoffs, a recipe, clearly, for success.

Brady, our 2024 runner-up, falls short in his 2nd Superbowl-appearance, first time since 2016, and his first playoff appearance since 2020. Quite the turnaround for the fortunes of our favorite desert dwelling coach, after being the 2023 IFL Loser of the Year, and starting the season 3-6, to win 7 consecutive games, win the Cul-de-Sack division and wind up in the Superbowl. Hands down, Comeback Coach of the Year.

Congrats to our champion, Jord. You finally did it, you legend!

Thanks to all our coaches this season for playing and making this the best fantasy football league on the planet. Love to you all and have a Happy New Year!

Austin wins his 4th consecutive game, now good for longest streak in the league, to finish the season on a high note, besting TC 155.43 - 128.09, and doubling his draft odds for 2025, behind an electric performance from the 2024 Best Name Winner Ladd McConkey, who put up 28.4 pts in the Consolation ‘Ship and incredibly finished as WR13 in his rookie debut. TC loses his first Consolation Championship ever, having won the previous two he attended. But still, he’ll enjoy boosted draft odds for 2025 as well, so keep an eye out for these two next year.

Curtis folds up like an armadillo in the 2024 Toilet Bowl, and unfortunately for him, the Scallon Express turns him into roadkill 122.54 - 76.27, making Curtis the 2024 IFL Loser of the Year, and our the IFL’s 4th 2-Time Loser of the Year. The first time Curtis was here in 2019, he would parlay that rock-bottom low point into his first ever Superbowl ring two years later, so I wouldn’t write the man off just yet. For now, let’s shame this man for ending the season as the worst of the worst, having three chances to avoid this embarrassment, and failing each time. Congrats to Scallon on escaping infamy for the second time in his career, once before to Aaron in 2021.

I guess fittingly, your Commish’ scores the most in the final week, and is your 2024 Pick ‘Em Champ, the first time in our 9th season of Pick ‘Em that he’s ever pulled it off. Shoutout to the 3-Peat and 4-Time Pick ‘Em Champ Curtis, and last year’s Champ Qualley for pushing me to new heights.

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The Commissioner

Semifinals Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
The Control Room
Coach Jord (2nd time this season)
152.94 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
THE GROOVERS
Coach Hunt (3rd time this season)
Jonathan Taylor - 41.3 pts

WOW. WOW. WOW. Our highest scoring semifinal round since 2021 featured one of the most epic comebacks the IFL has ever seen, and who else could be the architect of such a comeback outside of the Miracle Man himself, Jord.

Everyone that was paying attention saw Jord’s odds dip as low as 20% chance of victory at the height of Jonathan Taylor’s 41.3 point performance in the early slot of games, and I personally had Hunt in the Superbowl based on the numbers at that point, but unfortunately for Hunt, the Commanders / Eagles game just NEVER ENDED, and Himmy Daniels scored nearly 20 points, in the 4th quarter and overtime of that game, which gave Jord a chance. That chance was all De’Von Achane needed, and after what witnesses are calling the greatest halftime speech in sports history from Coach Richards, Achane ripped the 49ers defense for 31 points increasing Jord’s odds to about 40%. To really have a chance though, Jord would have to survive the Sunday Night gauntlet of Dowdle and Mike Evans, who have averaged 17.2 PPG and 21.6 PPG over the previous 4 weeks. Incredibly the pair would score just 19.25 points combined, meaning Jord would need 10.3 points from the Packers DST in MNF to get himself to the 2024 Superbowl. The anxiety rollercoaster Jord was riding was further amplified and self-inflicted as he swapped the Packers DST for the Bengals DST 15 minutes before kickoff Sunday, and the Bengals DST had scored 21.5 points, meaning that had Jord not touched his lineup, he’d have won the game Sunday night. Alas, the drama continued into Monday Night, but really there was never any question. The Packers absolutely dominated the Saints, and made poor little Spencer Rattler look like… Spencer Rattler. Jord would complete the comeback and earn his bid to his 2nd ever IFL Superbowl. Hunt, who falls short yet again on a 10-win season. He has had three 10+ win seasons in the last four years, and the most wins of any coach in that time period with 44. Impressive stuff, but I’m sure he’d much rather have the hardware to go with that.

On the other side of the bracket, the drama was not quite as dramatic. Brady shot up early in the projections thanks to 27 points from Will Lutz and Mark Andrews, but Jack came roaring back after 27.5 points from the Falcons DST and 41.6 points from his pair of Lions - Williams and LaPorta. However, that was offset by a 30-burger for Brady from his Sleevan Allen. The deciding game between our vice assistant to the principal and our esteemed doctor had to be the Bills / Patriots matchup. Jack’s Josh Allen had averaged 42 PPG over the last 3 weeks, but would be limited to just 11.7 points this week, and meanwhile, Brady’s James Cook would put up 27.1 points. Alas, 20 points from Calimari and 23 points from AJ Brown would put Brady up 3 with still Josh Jacobs yet to play Monday Night, and with Jack exhausting his entire roster, Brady would clinch his second ever Superbowl berth, and a chance to pick up his second ring. The Doc will end his campaign falling short of his third Superbowl appearance, which is a big sigh of relief for me personally, as god only knows what powers a man would inherit if he should ever dawn three rings. Jack is the fifth consecutive regular season champ to not win it all.

We have on our hands a Brady v Jord Superbowl. Buckle up, gentlemen! And Merry Christmas!

Austin continues his heater again in the Consolations, this week upsetting Jesse 125-113, and fighting his way to the Consolation championship, where he’ll meet TC, who would easily move past Ewoldt 138-120. Both TC and Austin will now enjoy boosted draft odds to 2025, but a win in the ‘Ship will double their odds yet again.

Amazingly, the unending rivalry between Curtis and Nick has Nick’s team escape the Toilet Bowl’s final battle. Despite coaching what may be the worst team in IFL history, he has escaped eternal shame by beating Curtis this week 118-98. Curtis will slide into the deepest rungs of this here toilet to face the Scallon Express, who would lose a heartbreaker 80-82 this week to Chris. Scallon has been on whatever the opposite of a heater is, now having lost 5 straight games. Scallon and Curtis will meet this week to determine who the worst coach in the IFL is for 2024.

With the bonus points ramping up, your Commish’ hits 3 for 4, and extends his lead. Bonus points will bump up again, and there will be 17 points up for grabs, which puts TC, Chris, Curtis, Jesse and Qualley all in the mix. Good luck, gents!

The Commissioner

Quarterfinals Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
THE GROOVERS
Coach Hunt (3rd time this season)
149.9 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Tuna with Spicy Mustard
Coach Jack (2nd time this season)
Josh Allen - 43.3 pts (Highest point total by an award winner this season, but Puka was actually only the 3rd highest scorer this week. #1 was Josh Allen with 53.4 points and #2 was Jamar Chase with 45.6 points, both contributing to Jack’s ridiculous 200 point game in Week 14; however, you cannot win both weekly awards.)

^^^ A live look at me watching my fantasy score this weekend.

What a horrible weekend to have eyes. As one of two Make-A-Wish entrants into the playoffs this season, I couldn’t believe my luck when Jord’s Cooper Kupp posted a goose egg Thursday night. And after a middling noon slate, my Spawn of Satan was sitting at a projected 82% chance of winning.

Why is it that that hopeful feeling is the most dangerous of all emotions? You finally let your guard down and feel vulnerable for the first time in a long time only for the fantasy gods to smile at your stupidity and send you so back down to rock bottom so fast that it makes you question whether you’ll ever feel vulnerable again.

And that moment for me wasn’t just a moment, but an excruciating three and a half hour beatdown that was the Lions / Bills game. The Bills, who were always in command of that game, and always held a 2+ score lead, were apparently amused by the little Lions’ annoying refusal to quit. Bills would go up 3 scores, Lions would score. Bills would go up 3 scores, Lions would score. And that cycle would repeat itself infinitely, until Amon Ra St. Brown had 35.8 points, and my chances of winning had fallen to 35%. I don’t even want to talk about how things played out from there for my boys, but suffice it to say, that the completely battle-tested Control Room will move on the semifinals.

I hate to lose, but if there’s one coach losing to makes palatable, it’s Jord, and I wish him the best. Jord will join the semifinals for the first time since his fabled 2018 Momma Cat squad.

The stupid 90 points in the Bills / Lions game did not just flip the trajectories of my own fate, but that of Drew’s and Brady’s as well.

Drew shared a similar story to mine, as the other Make-a-Wish kid in this year’s playoffs, and I believe he too had a 80% or better chance of winning heading into Bills / Lions, but even worse for him, the Doc had 4 players in that dreaded game, and with Josh Allen leading the charge, you know how it played out. 75.6 later, 43.28 of which were from Josh, Drew was reliant on the Las Vegas Raiders blowing out the Falcons DEF on MNF, the reality of which played out the exact opposite, and Tuna with Spicy Mustard would return to the semifinals for the first time since their 2020 Championship run.

Brady’s winning odds flipped as well due to Lions / Bills, but not quite as dramatically, as he benefitted from early James Cook production in that game to the tune of 27.3 points, but Qualley’s late Gibbs touchdowns netted him 28.4 points, which in combination with the lack of Cardinal’s production Brady got, put Qualley’s chances fairly high. Brady would get 21.6 points from Josh Jacobs in SNF, and then needed about 6 points from Keenan Allen in MNF to win, which was far scarier for him than it should have been, as he didn’t secure those into partway into the 3rd quarter. Brady will move onto the semifinals after his 146-132 win for the first time since his 2020 Fully Stocked squad would lose there in the opener despite their #1 seed. Qualley will be knocked out of the championship playoffs for the third straight season, which is a backhanded complement I guess, but perhaps it will sting a little less given that he didn’t lose the IFL Superbowl this time.

The most straightforward game, and least affected by Lions / Bills was Hunt v Nelson, and that was basically due to the fact that Nelson’s team posted their season low, by 16 points, 74.16 points this week, a number which Hunt more than doubled at 158.93 points, and perhaps poetically, a season high for THE GROOVERS. Hunt, who went from power-ranked 3rd to 12th and closed the regular season 5th, has now captured the title of highest scoring team through 15 weeks, and his squad leads the league in highest score of the week at 3. He’ll return to the final four for his second consecutive season, where he would lose to last year’s champ Nick. Hunt is the lone wildcard to move on, as 3 of 4 division champs would hold strong.

The consolation bracket’s top seeds all found their way to the semifinals, with the exception of Curtis, who lost handily to Austin 148-104. Austin will look to take that momentum into his matchup with Jesse, who won by default this week against Nick, who somehow only scored 49.65 points, the 4th lowest score in IFL history. Amazingly, he also did this without posting any goose eggs, which makes it all the more impressive. Perhaps his newborn baby will absorb a bit of the sting of this embarrassment.

The Commish’ extends his lead from the pack by one through the first round of Playoff Pick ‘Em with bonus points in full effect.

The Commissioner

Week 14 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Tuna with Spicy Mustard
Coach Jack (2nd time this season)
199.16 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
McConkey Kong Country
Coach Austin
Puka Nacua - 42.8 pts (Highest point total by an award winner this season, but Puka was actually only the 3rd highest scorer this week. #1 was Josh Allen with 53.4 points and #2 was Jamar Chase with 45.6 points, both contributing to Jack’s ridiculous 200 point game this week; however, you cannot win both weekly awards.)

4 teams clinched last week, and the final 4 clinch this week for our championship playoffs! Let’s break it down.

The final division to be clinched - Boy Scout Cyclones was done so with a loss, or two losses to be precise. The BSC leader - Nelson was up one game on Drew entering the week, and would have the privilege of getting historically whooped on by the Doc 199.16 - 135.29. Despite the loss, Drew, would also lose this week to Austin’s WAR DADDY Puka Nacua’s 40-burger 128-142. Amazingly, despite both BSC teams losing, they would both clinch playoff spots. Nelson, as the de facto BSC division champ, with his fifth division title, most by any coach in the IFL; and Drew, as the PPG-leader for non-clinched teams at 117.8 PPG (7th best this season). For Drew, it’s his 8th playoff appearance in 11 seasons, a league high, and his second PPG-bid.

Jack’s 199.16 points is the fifth highest score in IFL history and came behind the completely mind-boggling performances of Josh Allen’s 53.38 points and Jamar Chase’s 45.6 points. Josh’s performance was second only to Jamar Chase’s 56.65 point game in Week 10, and is the 7th highest individual performance in IFL history. His victory also claims himself the title of regular season champ, which adds a little cash to his pocket, but amazingly is the first time he’s ever had that honor despite his previous two championships.

Despite the win-and-in gambit Qualley faced, and being the 30-point favorite in his matchup with Chris, Qualley not only didn’t cover the spread, he would lose this week to Chris 141-126, which meant that his fate was in other’s hands in regard to his playoff bid. Qualley’s loss opened the door to TC, who was in a dogfight with Brady, and remarkably came down to a single extra point by Cade York in MNF, in which Brady would edge out TC 101.3-100.79. Had TC, won, he would have had the head-to-head tiebreaker over Qualley; HOWEVER, Jesse would win this week 133-124 over yours truly, tying up records with Qualley at 8-6, and unfortunately for Jesse, Qualley did have the head-to-head tiebreaker over Jesse. So if it makes you feel better TC, had you won, it still would have been Qualley, as you three all had a 1-1 record against each other and then Qualley’s superior PPG would have given him the bid. Qualley earns his third consecutive championship playoff bid in his five season tenure.

Despite the loss, TC still had playoff hopes, as he led non-clinched teams in PPG heading into Week 14, and was up 17.41 points on the nearest contender, your Commish’. However; TC’s 100.79 points opened the door for Spawn of Satan and with exactly 100 points entering MNF, the Commish’ was reliant on Chase Brown to get him over the finish line, which he did convincingly, scoring 24.3 points and clinching the final remaining playoff-bid, edging out TC with 115.2 PPG to his 114.8 PPG on the season. It’s the Commish’s 6th playoff appearance, and 2nd consecutive PPG-bid. With all seeds clinched, beginning with the #1 seed, each consecutive division winner got to pick their opening matchup for the championship playoffs and same thing for the top 4 seeds in the consolation bracket. Here's a look at our playoff brackets:

Bounty brawl

The $20 bounty has been claimed, in Chris’ shock upset of Qualley, he claims the $20, for the second year in a row no less! Chris ended Qualley’s 8-game win streak last year to claim the bounty if you recall. Congrats Chris! He’s just the second coach to have won the bounty twice - Jack being the other.

Here’s the trajectory of this year’s $20 bounty:

Nick earns the bounty Week 1 scoring the lowest point total in the league, and loses it to the Commish’ in Week 2.

The Commish’ loses it to Brady in Week 3.

Brady loses is to Nelson in Week 4.

Nelson loses it to Jesse in Week 5.

Jesse’s epic 7-game win streak would have him carry the bounty all the way to this week, week 11, where he would finally lose to the Scallon Express.

Scallon loses it to Qualley in Week 12, who fends off Ewoldt in Week 13, and carried it to the Bounty Brawl in Week 14, between him and Duncan, in which Duncan would win 140.81-126.3 and win the bounty for the season.

A monster week from X-IA has yet another lead switch in the final week, having led all-season long, lost the lead last week, they would regain and finish the season on top as the best division in the IFL for the first time in our 11-season history. They also effectively prevented Papa Jord’s from pulling off the 3-peat, a feat that has yet to have been done. Jack and Ewoldt led the charge in this comeback, scoring the highest and 2nd-highest scores this week by any team. The Cul-de-Sack finish the season as the league’s worst division, which is the first time they have done so in league history. Incredibly, each division is represented equally, as each would claim two playoff berths this season. That’s the first time since we introduced the 8-team format that a division hasn’t claimed 3 playoff berths.

A rare tie in the MNQ pick ‘em question adds a half point wrinkle into the mix, as the consensus this week goes perfect. Jesse regains 2nd place, as we enter playoff pick ‘em, where things will start to heat up with the added bonus points for each correct pick.

The Commissioner

Week 13 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
THE GROOVERS
Coach Hunt (2nd time this season)
158.03 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
IFL’s 3-Peat Pick ‘Em Champ
Coach Curtis (2nd time this season)
Jerry Jeudy - 42.3 pts

The playoffs are finally beginning to take shape! We had four teams clinch this week.

The first, who else, but the Two-Time, ‘17 & ‘20 Champ - Doc Belichick. He won handily against Austin this week 132-96 and with a 10-3 record he closes out the X-IA division for the 2nd time in his 3 years there. He had 2 Papa Jord division titles previously, so this is his 4th division win overall, and 6th-ever playoff appearance.

Speaking of Papa Jord, the man himself would clinch his namesake division title this week against the Scallon Express 133-107, the 4th time he has done so, and the 7th-time he’ll find the playoffs. Jord and Jack are the only ones vying now for the remaining title of Regular Season Champ and the first overall seed.

With his currently league best, 4 consecutive wins, Brady would clinch his first ever Cul-de-Sack division title since moving there in 2022, kicking the Aspen Dummies down the mountain this week 141-98. Brady had previously won X-IA 3 times, so this is his 4th division win all-time, and his 4th-ever playoff appearance.

Finally, the first wildcard seed has been clinched by Hunt and the GROOVERS, who would put up a league-high 158 points this week, eliminating Curtis from CdS contention, who still mustered a commendable 139 points. It’s Hunt’s first ever wildcard-bid, and his fourth playoff appearance all-time.

With Aaron’s loss this week to TC 125-138, and Drew’s win this week over Nick 103-68, it sets up the possibility that Drew could steal the division from him in Week 14 if the same thing were to happen again - Aaron loses and Drew wins - since Drew has the head-to-head tiebreaker.

Otherwise, it’s down to the remaining wildcard spot and the 2 PPG-playoff bids. Currently, Qualley is in the driver seat for the wildcard, and a win next week would clinch it for him. If Nelson clinches the BSC next week, that leaves Drew (117 PPG), TC (116 PPG), and the Commish’ (115 PPG) as the top contenders for those final 2 slots. However, if Qualley were to lose, and TC, Drew, or Jesse to win, a myriad of head-to-head tiebreaker scenarios would come into play to determine who would get the wildcard slot. Qualley is more or less a lock for at least a PPG-bid though with a season-average 125 PPG.

One final week and four seeds still up for grabs. Get your popcorn, boys.

Current Playoff Standings

  1. Jack’s Tuna with Spicy Mustard (10-3) [X-IA Champ] *Clinched Playoffs & Top 2 Seed

  2. Jord’s The Control Room (9-4) [Papa Jord’s Champ] *Clinched Playoffs & Top 2 Seed

  3. Aaron’s No Nonsense Nelson (8-5) [Boy Scout Cyclone Leader]

  4. Brady’s ALL-TIME D (7-6) [Cul-de-Sack Champ] *Clinched Playoffs & Top 4 Seed

  5. Hunt’s Groovers (9-4) [Clinched Wildcard] X-IA *Clinched Playoffs & Top 6 Seed

  6. Qualley’s DSM Football Team (8-5) [Wildcard Leader] Papa Jord’s

  7. Drew’s Briar’s Haunting Chorus (7-6) [PPG Leader - 117 PPG] Boy Scout Cyclones

  8. TC’s The TCU (7-6) [PPG Leader - 116 PPG] Papa Jord’s

Bubble Teams

  • Jesse's Aspen Dummies (7-6) 107 PPG X-IA

  • (+3) Zach’s Spawn of Satan (6-7) 115 PPG Cul-de-Sack

  • Ewoldt’s The Course Rangers (6-7) 110 PPG X-IA

  • (-2) The Scallon Express (6-7) 104 PPG Boy Scout Cycl8*ones

  • (-1) Curtis’ IFL’s 3-Peat Pick ‘Em Champ (5-7) 107 PPG CdS

Bounty Tracker

Here’s the trajectory of this year’s $20 bounty:

Nick earns the bounty Week 1 scoring the lowest point total in the league, and loses it to the Commish’ in Week 2.

The Commish’ loses it to Brady in Week 3.

Brady loses is to Nelson in Week 4.

Nelson loses it to Jesse in Week 5.

Jesse’s epic 7-game win streak would have him carry the bounty all the way to this week, week 11, where he would finally lose to the Scallon Express.

Scallon loses it to Qualley in Week 12, fends off Ewoldt in Week 13, and will carry it to the Bounty Brawl in Week 14, between him and Duncan.

Another solid outing from Papa Jord’s has them usurp the throne from X-IA in the penultimate week, the first time all season that X-IA hasn’t sat on top. With one week to go, it’s down to those two for top division, and if Papa Jord’s can hold on to their narrow lead, it will be the third consecutive win for the division, and 5th overall, which would tie the Cul-de-Sack for most all-time. If X-IA can re-gain, it would be their first ever Best Division title.

TC has a perfect week of pick ‘em and hurdles Jesse to command second place, but is 5 games back from the Commish’.

The Commissioner

Week 12 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
No Nonsense Nelson
Coach Aaron
185.33 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
ALL-TIME D
Coach Brady
Josh Jacobs - 31.1 pts (Saquon Barkley has 47.7 points, but as Aaron cannot win both weekly awards it’s passed onto Brady. It would have been the 4th time Barkley won player of the week.)

Week 12 brought us a divisional lead change in the Cul-de-Sack, as Curtis lost a heartbreaker against Chris 95.09 - 96.78, and fell to 5-7, while Brady would quad-kemosabe Hunt 143-93, and climbs to 6-6. It’s the first time a CdS team has had a .500 record or better since Week 8. It’s also Brady’s third consecutive win, and with Jack’s loss this week, it makes Brady the winstreak leader in the IFL to boot. Brady’s in command of the CdS for now, but with two weeks to go, Curtis and the Commish’ are hot on his heels, each a game back.

With Jack’s winstreak finally snapping, curtesy X-IA rival Ewoldt, who would win 124-106, it was accompanied by widespread mediocre performances in the division, with Hunt and Jesse both posting sub-100 totals this week, and the division going 1-3 overall. Jesse’s loss also dropped him from the current playoff seeding, as Qualley would pick up a win this week over Scallon 137-83 and though they share a 7-5 record, Qualley holds the head-to-head tiebreaker over Jesse.

Qualley’s Des Moines Football Team has been the most consistently high scoring team in the league, with the lowest standard deviation of any team with more than 112 PPG and the third best all-play record. It cannot be a coincidence that our international man of mystery is also a newly father, nor can I shake the fact that I bumped into him Saturday by chance and my Spawn of Satan would snap their 5 game losing streak, easily knocking off the The TCU 121-100. I now find myself frantically scouring the generally neighborhood of his house in a desperate attempt to recreate the magic.

With just two weeks to go, believe it or not, no team has clinched a playoff spot, but the closest to that point is certainly Nelson, who now holds a two game lead in the BSC, and who just posted the second highest score of the season, a ridiculous 185.33 points. He is the only team to score 180 points or more this season, and he’s done it twice in the last four weeks! This performance also has him usurp the title of points leader from Hunt, averaging 129 PPG on the season. Jord’s dangerous Control Room also snuck past Hunt this week with his 141 point performance, and he now averages 126 PPG, though he still has yet to close out Papa Jord’s.

Current Playoff Standings

  1. Jack’s Tuna with Spicy Mustard (9-3) [X-IA Leader]

  2. Jord’s The Control Room (8-4) [Papa Jord’s Leader]

  3. Aaron’s No Nonsense Nelson (8-4) [Boy Scout Cyclone Leader]

  4. (+4) Brady’s ALL-TIME D (6-6) [Cul-de-Sack Leader]

  5. Hunt’s Groovers (8-4) [Wildcard Leader] X-IA

  6. (+1) Qualley’s DSM Football Team (7-5) [Wildcard Leader] Papa Jord’s

  7. (+4) Drew’s Briar’s Haunting Chorus (6-6) [PPG Leader - 118 PPG] Boy Scout Cyclones

  8. (+1) TC’s The TCU (6-6) [PPG Leader - 114 PPG] Papa Jord’s

Bubble Teams

  • (-3) Jesse's Aspen Dummies (7-5) 108 PPG X-IA

  • The Scallon Express (6-6) 105 PPG Boy Scout Cyclones

  • (+1) Ewoldt’s The Course Rangers (6-6) 111 PPG X-IA

  • (-8) Curtis’ IFL’s 3-Peat Pick ‘Em Champ (5-7) 107 PPG CdS

  • Zach’s Spawn of Satan (5-7) 113 PPG Cul-de-Sack

Bounty Tracker

Here’s the trajectory of this year’s $20 bounty:

Nick earns the bounty Week 1 scoring the lowest point total in the league, and loses it to the Commish’ in Week 2.

The Commish’ loses it to Brady in Week 3.

Brady loses is to Nelson in Week 4.

Nelson loses it to Jesse in Week 5.

Jesse’s epic 7-game win streak would have him carry the bounty all the way to this week, week 11, where he would finally lose to the Scallon Express.

Scallon loses it to Qualley in Week 12, and he will now carry it into his game with Ewoldt in Week 13.

A monster week by Papa Jord’s and another fumble from X-IA shortens the gap to just 2 games! X-IA, who was up by 44 games at one points, is doing everything they can to throw away the top division crown with two weeks to go. Can they hold on to their all but disappeared lead?

A perfect week for the consensus, not so much for the Commish’. The pack cuts the lead down to 4.

The Commissioner

Week 11 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
The Control Room
Coach Jord
167.72 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
IFL’s 3-Peak Pick ‘Em Champ
Coach Curtis
Taysom Hill - 42.7 pts (Highest point total by a weekly award winner this season, but only the 4th highest score this season. The three players to outscore Taysom all earned their respective coaches the highest scoring team award that particular week and weren’t eligible.)

Just 3 weeks to go in the regular season, and every division is shaping up to come down to the wire.

In the CdS, Curtis and Brady pick up wins, Brady just by the skin of his teeth over Duncan 123-122, and move their 3-way tie into a 2-way tie with the Commish’ losing. Crucially, Curtis holds the head-to-head tiebreaker over Brady, but even with Nick getting routed this week and down two games, he’s still in the mix.

The BSC, which once looked like Nelson would walk away with it, as he was up 3 games, is now within reach for the Scallon Express. Nelson lost his second game in a row, this week getting his mailman uniform blown off by Jord 119-168. Scallon, who finally broke Jesse’s winning streak, with a 102-76 win, is now just one game back. Drew, who got nearly doubled up by Hunt this week 80-151, remains two games back.

Papa Jord’s was all Richards Bros this week, as the biological duo both put up 160+ points, and with Qualley losing to Curtis 117-137 that means that Jordan is once again in control of the division by a game. Austin is mathematically eliminated from winning the division now, but he can certainly play spoiler with point totals like that, and potentially earn a PPG playoff bid if he keeps it up. TC also won this week, in a gutsy performance against Ewoldt, 128-124, to remain a game back as well from Jord.

With Jesse and Ewoldt losing, X-IA did see a bit of separation this week. Jack and Hunt both won their respective games, and the top-end of the division continues to climb, Jack a game away from 10 wins now, and with Jesse’s loss, the Doc now owns the longest win streak in the league at 5 games. If Jack can hold onto the lead, Hunt (8-3) and Jesse (7-4) are both poised for wildcard bids, though that too remains competitive from the volley of 6-5 teams.

If the season ended today, this would be our playoff seeding:

  1. Jack’s Tuna with Spicy Mustard (9-2) [X-IA Leader]

  2. Jord’s The Control Room (7-4) [Papa Jord’s Leader]

  3. Aaron’s No Nonsense Nelson (7-4) [Boy Scout Cyclone Leader]

  4. Curtis’ IFL’s 3-Peat Pick ‘Em Champ (5-6) [Cul-de-Sack Leader]

  5. Hunt’s Groovers (8-3) [Wildcard Leader] X-IA

  6. Jesse's Aspen Dummies (7-4) [Wildcard Leader] X-IA

  7. Qualley’s DSM Football Team (6-5) [PPG Leader - 123 PPG] Papa Jord’s

  8. Brady’s ALL-TIME D (5-6) [PPG Leader - 120 PPG] Cul-de-Sack

Here’s a look at the bubble teams:

  • TC’s The TCU (6-5) 115 PPG Papa Jord’s

  • The Scallon Express (6-5) 105 PPG Boy Scout Cyclones

  • Drew’s Briar’s Haunting Chorus (5-6) 119 PPG Boy Scout Cyclones

  • Ewoldt’s The Course Rangers (5-6) 111 PPG X-IA

  • Zach’s Spawn of Satan (4-7) 113 PPG Cul-de-Sack

Technically, a huge point run could get Austin, Nick and Chris into the PPG-bid conversation, but the three of them are more than likely out of playoff contention this year, and relegated to the role of spoiler.

Bounty Tracker

It’s that time of year that we check in with the $20 IFL Bounty. Let’s chart the trajectory of this year’s bounty:

Nick earns the bounty Week 1 scoring the lowest point total in the league, and loses it to the Commish’ in Week 2.

The Commish’ loses it to Brady in Week 3.

Brady loses is to Nelson in Week 4.

Nelson loses it to Jesse in Week 5.

Jesse’s epic 7-game win streak would have him carry the bounty all the way to this week, week 11, where he would finally lose to the Scallon Express, who will now carry the bounty into week 12 in his matchup against Qualley.

Papa Jord’s continues their comeback on X-IA, furthering the divide between the top 2 and the bottom 2 divisions.

My fantasy team may be a disaster, but at least there’s pick ‘em.

The Commissioner

Week 10 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Tuna with Spicy Mustard
Coach Jack
156.98 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Des Moines Football Team
Coach Qualley
Lamar Jackson - 33.9 pts (2nd time this season)
(Jack’s Ja’Marr Chase had the most this week with 56.65 pts, but you cannot win both weekly awards)

In case you were concerned, despite some rumors to the contrary, your commish’ is alive and well, and not at all avoiding this week’s recap due to suffering his fourth consecutive loss. No, in fact this week I had a higher calling, officiating my sister-in-law’s wedding, and it was not at all on my mind that my team’s 121 points were the highest total by a losing team in a week where Jesse’s Aspen Dummies would win with just 61 points.

It’s a remarkable win from Jesse to mark his 7th consecutive win, particularly given that it also to took place in what is officially the lowest scoring game in IFL history, at 118.59 points, blowing the previous record out of the water, which was the 2022 Week 6 matchup between my own Daddy’s Boys and Austin’s Rodgers LSDream Team in which I narrowly defeated him 63.93 - 63.12 (127.05 combined points). It’s also a remarkable loss from Curtis, who had the opportunity to take the outright lead of the Cul-de-Sack with a win. Instead Brady’s easy win over Jord 131-110 actually puts the miserable CdS into a 3-way tie.

Even more amazing is the fact that our 2023 IFL Champ Nick won his third straight game this week, pulling himself to just one game back in the CdS, and making his playoff chances very real, after his uncharacteristic 0-7 start, putting the beatdown on Ewoldt this week 144-100. Over the last 4 weeks, Nick has a +18 PPG differential to his season average, which is higher than every team in the league by at least 8 PPG.

Other big doings this week took place in X-IA, as Hunt and the Groovers would suffer their second loss in a row, this week to the TCU 83-133. That would open the door to the wolves at the door in the division, and Doctor Belichick would absolutely BLAST through it, putting the hurt on Chris 157-98. Of course, the team this week was put on the supple back of Ja’Marr Chase who put up the 4th highest individual performance in IFL history (as scored at the time) with just a completely un-understandable 56.65 points. Mind boggling. Jack not only takes command of X-IA, but now sits atop the league standings, which is the first time that it hasn’t been Hunt since Week 4.

Four weeks to go, and things are starting to get a little spicy. Like a spicy… yellow… condiment?

The CdS has their best week of the season, but still trail the pack by a lot. X-IA shows its first sign of weakness, and allows Papa Jord’s to cut the lead a bit.

The consensus goes 3 for 3, and Jesse and TC get one back.

The Commissioner

Week 9 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
No Nonsense Nelson
Coach Aaron
189.76 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
THE GROOVERS
Coach Hunt (2nd time this season)
Jaxon Smith-Njigba - 36.8 pts

Happy Election Day, gents! As the political landscape has continued to heat up, all leading to this very day, escalating to peak drama time and time again, I can’t help but think the Iowa Fantasy League is even hotter.

The Groovers, who had won seven straight games coming into this week, ran into an absolute buzzsaw in No Nonsense Nelson, who put up an IFL season-high score of 189.76 points to Hunt’s 137.2. The previous high score this season was 170.01 points by Curtis in Week 4, and ironically, Nelson’s score is the highest score by any IFL team since Hunt’s GROOVERS set the all-time IFL record with 215.34 points in Week 11 of 2021. I’m going to post a screenshot here of Nelson’s player scores for posterity.

 
 

Personally, I have failed to roster a team that can all exit their games healthy, but Nelson just had 9 players with double-digits, and 6 of them score 19 points or more, which is just NUTTY. Nelson extends his win streak to 4 straight, and now commands a 3-game lead in the Boy Scout Cyclones. Hunt, falls to 7-2, and opens the door to the ridiculously competitive X-IA division, all of whom are vying for playoff spots.

Walking straight through that door is the Doc, whose Belichickian ways have winning his third straight game, this week to the Scallon Express 108-77, despite averaging just 110 PPG over the last four weeks (only good for 10th best in that stretch). The man just wins, okay? He enters a tie in record with Hunt, but crucially has that head-to-head tiebreaker, beating Hunt in Week 1.

Also taking advantage of Hunt’s loss, the new win-streak leader of the IFL, Jesse and the Aspen Dummies, who would win handily over Austin and McConkey Kong Country 129-97. Jesse has now won six straight games, clawing his way to a game back in X-IA.

Notably, Jesse and Jord lead the league in trades, with 4 each, and 2 betwixt each other. Jord, whose namesake scratch team of data nerds and unpaid interns has really turned on the jets, currently rostering just 3 players whom they drafted (league low), and with Kupp healthy, are starting to look pretty terrifying. They torched Drew’s clearly awful team without any fuss in our Game of the Week 149-124. Jord maintains his one-game lead over Qualley in Papa Jord’s who would squash the Commish’ 148-117 in their game this week.

With the Commish’ losing his 3rd straight game, the Cul-de-Sack has never been worse, and never been more winnable.

Curtis did, however, take advantage of the Commish’s loss, snapping his four game losing streak this week against TC, with a 135-115 win. That places the 3-Peat Pick Em Champ in a tie with Spawn of Satan, though he lost the head-to-head tiebreaker in week 1. Incredibly, despite Nick’s 0-7 start, his back-to-back wins, including this week’s win over Chris 111-98, and horrible division mean it is quite realistic that he could mount a divisional comeback with five weeks to go still in the regular season.

More or less status quo in the divisional standings, but the CdS fall futher behind.

Qualley has a perfect week, but the Commish’ extends his lead on the pack.

The Commissioner

Week 8 Recap

 

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Scallon Express
Coach John
156.41 pts (narrowest margin of highest scoring team ever - John edged out Drew by just 0.13 pts)

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
BRIAR’S HAUNTING CHORUS
Coach Drew
CeeDee Lamb - 39.9 pts (CeeDee Lamb was the highest scoring player during last year’s rivalry week as well. Guy lives for rivalry week.)

We didn’t have any last minute victories this year, but Rivalry Week did bring some SPOOKY shocks to the league.

PINEVIEW LEGENDS

Chris could not pull off the upset this year, losing to Nelson 85-107, and falling to 2-6, now having lost six consecutive games, as he races to the bottom of the league. Aaron maintains his two game lead in the BSC.

IOWA FALLS TRANSPLANTS

Jesse needed just 8 points in last night’s game to beat Ewoldt for the 4th consecutive time and it was not without a bit of drama. After a slow start for his Tyrone Tracy, he would exit the game with a shoulder injury, questionable to return. According to a Giants trainer, Tyrone was on his phone in the medical tent and would receive a text message of this photo:

Tracy immediately returned to the game and would proceed to rip off 100+ yards rushing and the Giants only touchdown of the game, before being knocked out of the game again with a concussion. It’s safe to say Tracy left it all out there last night for his coach, and the Aspen Dummies would put away the Course Rangers yet again, 121-104. Jesse now climbs to 5-3, winning five straight after his 0-3 start to the season.

FAILED MATHEMATICIANS

Despite Jesse’s fifth straight win, incredibly, he remains in third place in X-IA, as both coaches he trails would handle their end in Rivalry Week. Good Will Hunting, the leading contender for IFL Regular Season Champ, would send the Commish’ back to his precious Havahd Yahd, winning 144-111, thanks in part to an out of nowhere THIRTY BURGER from Bo Nix. You really can’t make this stuff up. Hunt has now won seven consecutive games after losing week 1.

MOST INTERESTING MEN IN THE WORLD

And right behind Hunt, is the Doc, who would best his junior Most Interesting Man in the World Qualley in a hotly contested 130-124 bout and who moves to 6-2, good enough only for second place in the unreal X-IA division. Qualley would fall out of first place in Papa Jord’s with his loss. Though even when Qualley doesn’t win, he doesn’t lose.

CY-HAWK

How fitting is it that in a year when the Iowa State Cyclones are having a historic season, and beat the Hawkeyes so convincingly that even TC couldn’t deflect, the Scallon Express would absolutely flatline TC, putting up a league high 156 points to TC’s 109. It’s Scallon’s first win over TC in eight meetings and it keeps him alive in the Boy Scout Cylones division at 4-4.

RICHARD BROS

The benefactor of Qualley’s not-winning and TC losing, is Jord, who would rev his HIMmy Jayden Daniels on his big little bro Austin 142-118, sending him to 2-6 and climbing out of the three-way tie betwixt Qualley, TC and himself in Papa Jord’s very own division.

BACHELOR PARTY ABSENTEES

Once again, the battle between frenemies Drew and Brady does not disappoint, as Brady would go up big headed into SNF 132-99, with Pickens yet to play, and though Drew still had CeeDee Lamb and Najee Haris yet to play, Brady was feeling good heading into the Cowboys game…

So much so in fact that he even started calling me out…

But after a 40-point $7 Player of the Week performance from CeeDee, the script had completely flipped, and now Drew was up 139-132 with a projected 62% chance of victory. Just like last year, in pure desperation, Brady would dip his toes into the world of sorcery…

It’s a wizard battle that Brady never stood a chance in, and probably just to show off, Drew disguised his incantation under what seemed like a simple injury curse, but what was in reality an inability for George Pickens to touch his left foot down in the end zone. Sounds impossible, right? Take a look…

That is the scariest thing I’ve seen my life and I just re-watched the Blair Witch Project. Needless to say those points from George Pickens there would not have won Brady the game, but it’s just another countless example of the universe bending to Drew’s will, and always by his own dark hand. BRIAR’S HAUNTING CHORUS would clean-up ALL-TIME D 156-144. Drew climbs to 4-4, in a tie with the Scallon Express, and two games back from Nelson in the BSC. Brady, would fall to 3-5, and would leave him contemplating alternative paths to the playoffs beyond a division win.

JANE’S BASMENT

All that excitement and our biggest upset of the week was also not a particularly close game as Nick’s 0-7 squad would lay the lumber on Curtis, 140-84, establishing dominance in his own mother’s house. Clearly this was Nick’s Superbowl this season, as it was the first time he had scored higher than 96 points all year, behind 20+ point games from Purdy, Kelce and Ridley. Curtis has had a rough go of it of late, now having lost four straight, and having the lowest PPG over those weeks, at just 81 PPG. Still, he remains just a game back in the CdS and the division is completely up for grabs.

Not much change here but the BSC and PJ are all knotted up in the middle through 8 weeks.

Chris and the Commish go 7-2 in Rivalry Week Pick ‘Em. The Commish extends his lead to 5 over the pack, and Chris burrows his way into the thick of things.

The Commissioner

Iowa Fantasy League
16 member league

Champions to Date
2022 - Curtis
2021 - TC
2020 - Jack
2019 - TC
2018 - Drew
2017 - Jack
2016 - Matt
2015 - Zach
2014 - Nick
 

Season Awards
Champion: $342
Runner-Up: $70
3rd Place: $10
Regular Season Champ: $15
Division Winner: $28
Wild Card: $7
Pick 'Em Champ: $25

Weekly Awards
Highest Scoring Team = $15
Highest Scoring Player = $7