Superbowl Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
No Nonsense Nelson
Coach Aaron (2nd time this season)
173.93 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Shirt Brothers
Coach Jord (3rd time this season)
CeeDee Lamb - 39.95 pts

 
 

So I left the above snap from Coach Qualley himself from last week, because though it wasn’t true for the semifinals, the reports may have been true for Iowa Fantasy League Superbowl X, as the Des Moines Football Team just didn’t have it.

The team that did - your 2023 Superbowl Champion - Nick Hansen and Curtis’ Bronco Coat. In fact, Nick kind of wiped the floor with Qualley, putting up 160.14 points and winning by a margin of 54.15. Nick’s squad fired on all cylinders, with his injured Jamar Chase being the only player to score less than 13 points, and unlikely RB heroes James Conner (drafted 4th round) and De’Von Achane (drafted 9th round) posted 29.8 points and 24.7 points respectively. Conner played just 12 games this season and Achane just 10 but they were RB14 and RB4 in terms of points per game and if that’s not strategic coaching than what is?

Nick entered the playoffs with just a 7-7 record, narrowly winning the historically great Cul-de-Sack division, but posted three decisive victories in the playoffs, upping his PPG from 115.0 in the regular season to 137.9 PPG in the playoffs. The man just knew how to get hot at the right time.

Qualley had the opposite story. Losing Tank Dell in Week 13 didn’t stop the Des Moines Football Team from getting to his second consecutive Superbowl, a feat no coach has every accomplished, but it did perhaps foreshadow his demise. His #5 scorer Josh Jacobs would miss the entire playoffs with a quad injury and his #3 scorer on the season TJ Hockenson would tear his ACL in the semifinals. Even despite this, Qualley would be the favorite among experts and pick ‘em scholars, but come gametime, all but the Sun God Amon Ra St Brown and his kicker would disappoint. It’s a tough finish for the young coach, but perhaps third time’s a charm?

Ol’ Saint Nick was our first ever champion, our Vince Lombardi, and in the Iowa Fantasy League’s tenth anniversary season, he gets his second ring, joining the two-time club with TC and the Doc. Congratulations, my good sir, on your well fought campaign. Enjoy the spoils of your victory.

The Consolation Championship was a bit closer than our Superbowl, and TC made the bold decision to start Justin Fields versus a good Atlanta defense instead of CJ Stroud against a questionable Tennessee defense, and that decision was the difference, as in what may have been Justin Fields final game as a Bear, he put up 25.72 points and will send TC into 2024 with the best draft odds in the league, beating Drew’s horrifically bad team 107-103.

When Brady’s team was drafted by Hailey based on hotness of the players, I assumed he would end up in the Toilet Bowl and felt pretty vindicated when he started off 0-2. But then he beat Dierks’ Heathens in Week 3. And he would win 4 of the following 6 games to climb to 5-4, which was a truly shocking thing to witness. However, he would finish the season 2-3 after losing his chief hotty Joe Burrow and narrowly miss the playoffs, and then proceed to lose game after game in the Tournament to Not Be Last, winding up against the Scallon Express, whose story this season could not be more the opposite of Brady’s. Scallon started off this season 5-1, and after making, what seemed at the time, the most lopsided trade in IFL history, seemed like a forgone conclusion that the Express would run away with the championship this season. But alas, the fantasy gods are cruel and unusual in their punishment and the receiving end of his lopsided trade, Deebo Samuel would promptly get hurt and the Express would lose 7 of their last 8 games including 6 consecutive games to wind up in the exact spot that Brady was here in the Toilet Bowl. And wow - did it come down to the wire. In the end, the Scallon Express helped deliver us the ending I most suspected for Brady this season, winning a nailbiter 105.98 - 104.18, and etching Brady in the annals of IFL lore, as the third-ever two-time IFL Loser of the Year.

PICK ‘EM

Qualley may have lost the Superbowl again but he clutched up in Pick ‘Em, winning his first pick ‘em title, knocking off the reigning champ Chris, who came in second.

The Commissioner

Semifinals Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Shirt Brothers
Coach Jord
156.12 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Curtis’ Bronco Coat
Coach Nick (2nd time this season)
Amari Cooper - 53.3 pts

 
 

Injury riddled though they may have been (no Josh Jacobs & no Michael Pittman), despite reports to the contrary from rather authoritative sources, the Des Moines Football Team were focused just enough for their semifinal matchup against the ultra-consistent No Nonsense Nelson. Only the tale of the tape here was just that - No Nonsense Nelson did not post their signature 110+ points. If they had, it would have been enough for the win, but Coach Nelson’s team suffered two key injuries mid-game, one to Isiah Pacheco and one to DJ Moore, both of which limited their typical production. This held No Nonsense Nelson to just 97 points and allowed Qualley to coast on the back of their savior, the Sun God, and his 29 points, skating to a 103 - 97 victory. Qualley will return to the IFL Superbowl for the 2nd year in a row, the first coach to ever make back-to-back Superbowls.

On the other side of the bracket, the outcome had a touch more drama, as Nick mistakenly left Jamar Chase in his lineup despite the out designation.

Nick was already the underdog against Hunt, projected about 12 points less, and had no pickers on his team for pick ‘em, and a guaranteed goose egg didn’t help, but unbelievably, a single player would completely change the course of Nick’s season. That player - Joe Flacco. Though he’s not on Nick’s roster, Joe Flacco has reminded us all the prowess of his arm and, more prudently, he has allowed Amari Cooper’s fantasy production to explode. That explosion crescendoed Sunday afternoon, as Amari Cooper had himself a 11 catch, 265 yard, 2 touchdown, 2-pt conversion, and 9 first down statline, equating to an UNBELIEVABLE 53.25 points. The Joe Flacco connection is fitting too, as I have a pretty vivid memory of Nick using the Joe Flacco QB-sneak where he’d jump over the goal line cheat code in Madden 2010. Amari would single handedly bring Nick’s score to 106 points with the Raven’s DEF yet to play on Monday, but Hunt still had very good odds at that point, as he was sitting with about 90 points with Travis Kelce, Brock Purdy, and Jake Moody all yet to go and who average a combined 41 PPG. But Kelce would post just 10 points in the Chiefs’ loss to the Raiders and Brock Purdy would have a miserable Christmas, throwing 4 interceptions, which due to Nick having the Ravens DEF, was a net 20 point swing in Nick’s favor. So amazingly, a man down and against all odds, Nick would defeat Hunt, 125-105, with perhaps the greatest fantasy football playoff performance of all time, by Amari Cooper. Nick will return to the IFL Superbowl for his 3rd trip, the first time since he lost it in 2020, for another chance at earning his second ring.

In the Consolation Playoffs, TC knocked off Chris 105-86 and Drew squeaked one out against Curtis 109-107 to move on the Consolation Championship. In the Tournament to Not Get Last, we had a high scoring affair, as Tuna with Mustard was like a fish backed into a small plastic bag, putting up 154 points against the Scallon Express’ 127 points. On the other side of that bracket, despite having two players that combined for 0.7 points, Jesse would hold on to his lead over Brady on Christmas Day, winning 106-95, a nice final Christmas present for La Bamba. Scallon and Brady both get flushed to the Toilet Bowl Losership. This is Scallon’s second Toilet Bowl Losership appearance in three years, and Brady second consecutive and third overall appearance.

PICK ‘EM

Qualley is the only picker to have Jesse holding onto to his lead in the MNQ and adds 3 points to his lead. With one week to go, Qualley has the opportunity to become the first ever coach to win the IFL Superbowl and be crowned the Pick ‘Em Champ in the same year.

The Commissioner

Quarterfinals Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
The Groovers
Coach Hunt
140.88 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Christian McCaffrey
Coach Austin (2nd time this season)
CMC - 42.7 pts

For the first time in our 8-team playoff format, all four division winners move on to the semifinals. This was something that happened only 3 times in the 7 seasons of the 6-team playoffs, and in that format the top 2 seeds got byes, so I would imagine this will be a fairly rare occurrence.

Qualley, who selected his opponent this week based less on strength and more on avenging the gentlemen’s club chaired by Mr. Scallon, took care of business and restored the good name of the Scallon Express by wiping the floor of the perpetually overhyped Ewoldt and the Course Rangers 118-83. The depth of the DSM Football Team shown through for the opening foray of the playoffs, as though they were without beloved rookie Tank Dell or bellcow Josh Jacobs, the Sun God did Sun God things and they got excellent production from their kicker and defense. Qualley’s confidence also was apparent as he coached remotely from the hottest nightclubs Medellin has to offer:

 
 

Our other 10-4 team, Hunt’s Groovers had a bit more of a fight in their opener, as it had appeared Austin and Goffpocalypse was going to run away the game thanks to a forty-burger from CMC, and Hunt had something like a 15% chance of winning with one quarter to play in the late afternoon slate of games. Hunt’s unlikely hero was actually not even rostered, as it would turn out, as I watched in horror as my very own Sam Howell would be benched against the Rams, down 7-28 with 10 minutes to go, in favor of none other than Tom Brady protegee Jacoby Jajuan Brissett. Jacoby was a lightning rod for the Commanders, who would throw on back-to-back drives absolute bombs to Scary Terry McLaurin, one of which would score a touchdown, and that coupled with Austin’s Kyler Murray throwing a pick and a 43-yard field goal from Jake Moody would be a net point swing of 30 points in favor of Hunt.

 
 

This point swing completely changed the trajectory of the game, as the Groovers would finish their effort with 140.88 points. Austin would need a combined 30 points from Etienne and Devonta Smith in SNF and MNF, but they both came up short, and the Groovers would move on from this absolute slobberknocker 141-129. Ironically, Coach Austin may have sealed his own fate, as he benched his namesake captain Jared Goff, who outscored his replacement by 20+ points, which would have been the difference. Goffpocalypse could not champion their own doomsday hero and aptly, paid the price.

Austin’s brother Jord-o would share his fate this weekend, though his trademark Rams stack didn’t exactly fail this week, they were no match against the scary consistent No Nonsense Nelson. Averaging now the 3rd most points in the league, Aaron also has the most consistently high scoring team in the league, and that makes them formidable if your team isn’t on their A-game. Jord’s downfall in the end, may have been his lack of RB talent, as his #2 RB, D’onta Foreman, would post -0.6 pt statline, and the Shirt Brothers would lose 102-114.

Like iron sharpening iron, Nick wanted his quarterfinal matchup to be Cul-de-Sack rival Dierks’ Heathens. Just like the imaginary steel cage we fought in Jane’s backyard, only with very real punching, there can only be one, and for this bout, Nick won by knockout. I knew quite well what direction the game would head when I sat through Tony “Daddy” Reiter’s Christmas party Saturday and pretended to not be dead inside as Sam LaPorta caught not one, not two, but three freaking touchdown passes against the clearly idiotic Broncos defense. My suspicion would be proven right as my #1 overall draft pick Bijan Robinson would get just 8 touches in the sloppy Carolina rain and post his statline of -0.6 points. So I don’t know what’s worse Jord - your #2 RB being a waiver wire add on the Bears scoring -0.6 points or the 5th overall draft pick in the IFL scoring -0.6 points, but either way Arthur Smith needs to be “sent up north to live a long, fulfilling life on a farm where he definitely won’t be murdered or anything”. Nick would win 128-97 and move on the semifinals for his first time since 2020. I’m rooting for you, pal.

No, your eyes do not deceive you - every single underdog in the Consolation Playoffs won, something that I’m certain has never happened. Also amazingly, all games were within 6 points. So the “better teams” get flushed to the toilet bowl and the “worse teams” move on to continue their fight for improved draft odds for 2024.

PICK ‘EM

Chris fumbles during the first week of playoff pick ‘em, and Qualley is once again on top! Jack and Jesse also gain some ground.

The Commissioner

Week 14 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
The Course Rangers
Coach Ewoldt
151.62 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Scallon Express
Coach John (3rd time this season)
Deebo Samuel - 38.2 pts (Back to back weeks)

What a finish to the regular season! UNREAL. Not a single playoff seed decided until the conclusion to this week’s games and boy did it come down to the wire.

Let’s dive in.

Though it was mathematically improbable, Qualley could have given up the #1 overall seed with a loss this week (were Hunt to win and outscore Qualley by 73 points), but with Qualley facing the Chris' Scrantonicity All-Stars, a loss also seemed unlikely. Particularly after Justin Jefferson’s return to the All-Stars ended prematurely after suffering a chess injury and being sent to the hospital after catching just two passes on Sunday. But Qualley’s team, in their first game without their freshman phenom Tank Dell, couldn’t take advantage, Tua and the Dolphins DEF could only muster about 20 points last night, conceding a shocking upset to Chris and the Scrantonicity All Stars. It’s a huge moral victory for Chris, who picks up just his 4th win on the season, but also claims $20 Bounty for 2023, and is personally responsible for snapping the Des Moines Football Team’s eight-game winning streak. You can follow the entire trajectory of this season’s bounty below. Qualley, despite the loss, would not be outscored by Hunt by 73 points, and that means he still is our 2023 regular season champ and grabs the #1 overall seed for the championship playoffs. This gives his choice of the 5-8 seeds, and as of this writing I can reveal to you his pick. But not just yet. Read a little longer.

The #2 seed Hunt would earn with a win this week, and this too was a bit of a grinder, but in the end, Hunt would pull it off, 102-89 against Nick. It’s Hunt's first X-IA division title since 2015 (keep in mind he played in the BSC from 2018 to 2021, where he won a division title there in 2021). With Nick losing, this opened the door to having the Cul-de-Sack title usurped by his fiercest rival Curtis, but Jord and the Shirt Brothers would do him a favor, as his team, who is essentially the LA Rams roster, would take care of business, knocking off the 3-Peat Pick ‘Em Champ 131-117. This gave Nick his third Cul-de-Sack division title all-time and third in five years. Jord, would earn a wildcard bid with his win, and his 5th playoff appearance, 2nd all-time (tied with Jack, Nick, and the Commish’) and two behind Drew, who has 7.

The other wildcard spot secured with a win this week was via Ewoldt and the Course Rangers, who after starting the season 7-0, did everything they could to miss the playoffs in the weeks that would follow, but clutched up when it mattered most, and beat the Scallon Express in an absolute barn burner, 151.62-151.53. Ewoldt, finishes the season 9-5, and grabs his 2nd wildcard and 4th playoff appearance. The Scallon Express, who finished the season losing 4 straight, and whose only hope at a playoff bid was via the PPG route, came just 5.07 points shy on the season to claiming that bid. A heartbreaking final game on multiple fronts after what seemed like it might be a runaway season for the Express following their 5-1 start. Tough one, Scallon. Next year, my friend. If it’s any solace, Qualley used his selection of first round opponent to seek your vengeance:

 
 

Finally, we have the two PPG playoff bids, and fortunately, my very own Dierks’ Heathens grabbed the first of which. It was the tale of two bananas for the Heathens this year. The first banana (weeks 1-7), far too ripe, smelling more like a bag of tuna left out in the Phoenixian sun all day than a banana, had the 3rd worst PPG in the league (101.1 PPG), a record of 2-5 and a coach who contemplated each day a new way to end it all. The second banana (weeks 8-14), the absolutely perfect ripeness, smelling like a bag of tuna freshly nuked in the microwave for the appropriate time, and smothered in plain, wonderless yellow mustard, had the best PPG in the league (132.2 PPG), a 4-3 record and a coach who thought a little less about his own death.

The second PPG bid and final seed in the playoffs was a little bit tighter, as the frontrunner heading into the week, Austin, posted just 91.29 points this week in his win over Drew’s embarrassment of a team, and opened the door to being outscored on the season. As mentioned above, Scallon would come up 5 points short, but Jack and Tuna with Mustard, would come up even shorter, as Saquon Barkeley nearly made up the gap last night, but in the end fell just 3.39 points away from the playoffs. It’s only the second time Jack has missed the playoffs since he won his first championship in 2017. That left Austin, and Goffpocalypse, on his yet another roller coaster season, as the final playoff entrant, in his second playoff appearance, grabbing a PPG bid in back to back seasons. Jack, for his silver medal would be awarded first seed in the Consolation Bracket and first choice of the 5-8 seeds in that realm.

And that’s a wrap on the 2023 regular season. A dramatic year with several #1’s, and our tightest scoring spread ever. The league continues to increase in parity and I am here for it. Good luck in the playoffs, gentlemen.

$20 BOUNTY

Hunt earned this year’s bounty Week 1 by posting the lowest score of the week. He would beat Jesse Week 2, and TC Week 3, before losing the bounty to Jord in Week 4. Jord would then turn around and lose the bounty to TC in Week 5 and TC would hand it off to Drew in Week 6. Drew would lose it to the then undefeated Ewoldt in Week 7, who would lose his first game, and the bounty to Jesse in Week 8. Jesse would keep it in Week 9, beating Austin but then score the 3rd lowest point total in IFL history in Week 9, 48.76 points, and lost the bounty to Curtis in Week 10. Curtis lost the bounty to Qualley in Week 11, Qualley beat Scallon in Week 12, and Ewoldt in Week 13, before losing it for good to Chris in the Bounty Brawl Championship in Week 14. Chris is the Bounty Champ for 2023.

Bounty holder record this season: 5-8.

TOP DIVISION

Despite another solid week from the Cul-de-Sack, Papa Jord’s holds on and finishes as the IFL’s top division for 2023, and that makes sense as they have the most teams (3) represented in the championship playoffs, grabbing one wildcard and one PPG spot. This is their 2nd consecutive season as top division and their 4th all-time, tying the Cul-de-Sack since they joined the league. The Boy Scout Cyclones finish last for the 3rd time in IFL history, and accordingly, just have a single representative in the championship playoffs.

PICK ‘EM

Chris nails the tricky MNQ and picks up another win on Qualley. Next week bonus points will be up for grabs as we get into playoff pick ‘em.

The Commissioner

Week 13 Recap

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Curtis’ Bronco Coat
Coach Nick
174.13 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Scallon Express
Coach John (2nd time this season)
Deebo Samuel - 38.2 pts

Current Playoff Seeds

  1. Qualley’s DSM Football Team (10-3) [PJ Division Champ] *Clinched Playoffs & Top 2 Seed

  2. Hunt’s Groovers (9-4) [X-IA Leader] *Clinched Playoffs

  3. Nick’s Curtis’ Bronco Coat (7-6) [Cul-de-Sack Leader]

  4. Aaron’s No Nonsense Nelson (7-6) [BSC Leader] *Clinched Playoffs & Top 4 Seed

  5. Ewoldt’s Course Rangers (8-5) [Wildcard Leader] X-IA

  6. (+3) Jord’s Shirt Brothers (8-5) [Wildcard Leader] Papa Jord’s

  7. Austin’s Goffpocalpyse (6-7) [PPG Leader - 115.0 PPG] Papa Jord’s

  8. (+5) Zach’s Dierks’ Heathens (5-8) [PPG Leader - 114.8 PPG] CdS

Bubble Teams

  • (-3) Jesse’s La Bamba (7-6) 105.0 PPG X-IA (Can still make wildcard)

  • Curtis’ 3-Peat Pick ‘Em Champ (6-7) 110.5 PPG CdS (Can still win CdS division)

  • Drew’s SPUDS (5-8) 111.7 PPG BSC (Can still grab PPG slot)

  • (-4) Jack’s Tuna with Mustard (6-7) 111.0 PPG X-IA (Can still grab PPG slot)

  • John’s Scallon Express (6-7) 110.0 PPG BSC (Can still grab PPG slot)

  • TC’s TC Schefter (5-8) 109.7 PPG BSC (Can still grab PPG slot)

Would you believe there is only one week to go and not a single playoff seed is determined?

We did have three teams clinch, however:

The first - Qualley and the Des Moines Football Team. Despite finally cooling off with 118 points this week, it was more than enough to bury the Course Rangers, who could only muster 86 points. And I guess it wasn’t so much a cooling off as it was his rookie phenom Tank Dell breaking his fibula early on in the Broncos game, and posting a gooseegg in his final game of the season. Though Tank was Qualley’s 6th best scorer this season, he had averaged 24.9 PPG over the last 4 weeks, explaining some of the DSM Football Team’s recent dominance. He’ll definitely be missed as we approach the playoffs, but Qualley began his win streak well before Tank Dell broke out. And this win over Ewoldt makes it 8 consecutive games won, tying for the 3rd-longest win-streak in the regular season all-time. It also means that Qualley is the 2023 Papa Jord Division Champ, the first time the Des Moines Football Team has been able to claim that title. With that Qualley has officially clinched the playoffs, and one of the top two seeds.

The second - Hunt and the Groovers. Though Curtis had the miraculous comeback last night in MNF with Zay Jones and Evan McPherson combing for 26 points to give the 3-Peat Pick Em Champ the win, and snap Hunt’s 6-game win streak, Hunt had a series of fortunate breaks allowing him to clinch the playoffs in the loss. The aforementioned Ewoldt loss, and Jesse and La Bamba losing the “Somebody Must Win It / Game of the Week” to Brady and ALL-TIME D 79-111, clinches Hunt’s playoff prospects for 2023. Amazingly, where Hunt can from here, though, is a wide range. Though unlikely, if Qualley were to lose next week, and Hunt were to win and outscore Qualley but 76.7 points, Hunt would take the one seed. If Hunt wins next week and those other two things don’t happen, Hunt will still win the X-IA division for the first time since 2015 (keep in mind he played in the BSC from 2018 to 2021) and claim the #2 seed in the playoffs. Hunt could also lose next week, and if Ewoldt were to win, Ewoldt would re-claim the X-IA division lead, pushing Hunt down to the 5 or 6 seed, depending on whether or not Jord wins next week (Jord holds the tiebreaker over Hunt). So technically speaking - 1 to 6 are all possible.

The third - No Nonsense Nelson. Fittingly, TC’s freshly minted Brian Ferentz team scores their lowest total in 6 weeks, and gives Aaron an easy win 88-107, and since Aaron holds the tiebreaker over Scallon, he is the 2023 Boy Scout Cyclone Division Champ. This marks back-to-back seasons as the BSC champ and his 3rd division title in 4 years. He also ties Drew at 4 division title wins, most in the BSC. This gives Aaron either the 3rd or 4th seed, depending on what happens next week.

Still up for grabs is the Cul-de-Sack division title, but with a win this week, in convincing fashion over SPUDS (HEATHEN EDITION), Nick and Curtis’ Bronco Coat get one step closer, giving Drew the People’s Elbow this weekend 174-122. It was the second most points by any team this season and came curtesy of THREE thirty-burgers from Metcalf, LaPorta, and Chase. The win knocked Cul-de-Sack foe Brady out of division title contention (Brady doesn’t hold any of the head-to-head tiebreakers) despite his win this week, and leaves just Curtis as the lone rival with claim to the throne. Curtis, who upset Hunt this week, is still a game back against Nick, but has the dreaded head-to-head tiebreaker that he won over Nick in Rivalry Week. Nick controls his destiny; however, win and he’s in, but both coaches will have tough matchups next week. Nick plays Hunt and Curtis plays Jord, two teams that have been red hot of late.

A bevy of teams were eliminated from traditional playoff contention this week, as only Curtis and Jesse lay claim to division or wildcard playoff slots, respectively. Jesse will need a win and will need Jord to lose next week to grab the final wildcard slot (he holds head-to-head tiebreaker over Jord).

That said, the final two playoff slots, which are purely PPG-based, keep everyone’s hopes alive, just needing to be one of the two playoff unqualified but highest scoring teams remaining. So get out there and ball out. It’s now or never.

$20 BOUNTY

Hunt earned this year’s bounty Week 1 by posting the lowest score of the week. He would beat Jesse Week 2, and TC Week 3, before losing the bounty to Jord in Week 4. Jord would then turn around and lose the bounty to TC in Week 5 and TC would hand it off to Drew in Week 6. Drew would lose it to the then undefeated Ewoldt in Week 7, who would lose his first game, and the bounty to Jesse in Week 8. Jesse would keep it in Week 9, beating Austin but then score the 3rd lowest point total in IFL history in Week 9, 48.76 points, and lost the bounty to Curtis in Week 10. Curtis lost the bounty to Qualley in Week 11, Qualley beat Scallon in Week 12, and Ewoldt in Week 13, carrying it on to the Bounty Showdown between him and Chris in Week 14.

Bounty holder record this season: 5-7.

TOP DIVISION

A massive week for the Cul-de-Sack moves them from third to second place, but with just one week to go in the regular season, Papa Jord’s appear to be sailing towards back-to-back years as best division in the IFL.

PICK ‘EM

Another slim week in Pick ‘Em and last year’s champ Chris takes advantage, taking the lead from Qualley by one.

The Commissioner

Week 12 Recap

 

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
No Nonsense Nelson
Coach Aaron
149.70 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Scrantonicity All-Stars
Coach Chris
Josh Allen - 41.2 pts

Current Playoff Standings

  1. Qualley’s DSM Football Team (9-3) [Papa Jord Leader]

  2. (+3) Hunt’s Groovers (8-3) [X-IA Leader]

  3. Nick’s Curtis’ Bronco Coat (6-6) [Cul-de-Sack Leader]

  4. (+6) Aaron’s No Nonsense Nelson (6-6) [Boy Scout Cyclone Leader]

  5. (-3) Ewoldt’s Course Rangers (8-3) [Wildcard Leader] X-IA

  6. Jesse’s La Bamba (7-5) [Wildcard Leader] X-IA

  7. Austin’s Goffpocalpyse (5-7) [PPG Leader - 116 PPG] Papa Jord’s

  8. Jack’s Tuna with Mustard (6-6) [PPG Leader - 113 PPG] X-IA

Bubble Teams

  • Jord’s Shirt Brothers (7-5) 112 PPG X-IA

  • (-6) John’s Scallon Express (6-6) 111 PPG BSC

  • TC’s TC Schefter (5-7) 111 PPG BSC

  • Drew’s SPUDS (5-7) 111 PPG BSC

  • Zach’s Dierks’ Heathens (4-8) 112 PPG CdS

Plenty of nailbiters and drama in Week 12 - let’s dig in.

Our game of the week did not disappoint, as our former #1 power-ranked team Scallon Express took on the currently #2 power-ranked team DSM Football Team, and they traded blow for blow, but in the end, the Express could not keep up with Qualley’s trio of WRs, getting outscored in that department 57.4 - 41.6. The win was crucial for Qualley, maintaining his current position as the #1 playoff seed. Qualley will need one more win on the season to clinch his first ever Papa Jord’s division title. The loss for Scallon opened the door for BSC rival Nelson, who was able to take advantage.

No Nonsense Nelson posted their highest scoring week of the season, easily dismissing Goffpocalypse 150-117. Since Aaron holds the head-to-head tiebreaker over Scallon, this currently puts Aaron as the Boy Scout Cyclone division leader, and if the season ended today, would leave Scallon out of the playoffs entirely, which is amazing considering his 5-1 start to the season. Austin, is still the PPG leader, for teams not currently in playoff position, so despite his 5-7 record, just needs to continue scoring points. And it would be earned, as despite having the 4th best PPG overall this season, he’s faced the toughest schedule of any team, with his opponents averaging 119 PPG (+6.75 PPG to the league average).

Another shakeup in the playoff standings this week came curtesy the X-IA division, with two X-IA teams meeting this week to square things up, and X-IA sophomore Jack, reminding Ewoldt who the the bagged tuna originator is, and winning a grinder 100-83. The Doc, who had a birthday, a baby and a IFL win this weekend, is quite blessed, and it can go unwritten which of those things is most important. But congrats, Jack, on the ̶w̶i̶n̶ baby. That along with Hunt holding onto against former X-IA division rival Brady 107-105, as Brady’s All-Heart Team wasn’t enough this week, meant that Hunt now controls the divison, winning his 6th straight game, and claiming the 2nd seed in the playoffs. Amazingly, with just two weeks left and still 8-4 Ewoldt’s team could win the division, grab a wildcard spot, or miss the playoffs entirely despite his 7-0 start.

Jesse also lost this week in X-IA, against all odds, as Drew’s voodoo prevails again, somehow befuddling La Bamba and what looked to be their sure win. Instead, the Passtronaut inexplicably threw 4 INTs and finished the game with just a 0.5 points in MNF, leaving the SPUDS up 119-112. Jesse is now eliminated from X-IA divisional title contention. But he currently still holds his wildcard position; however, as despite Jord and the Shirt Brothers tying things up with him at 7-5, with their win this week over Nick and Curtis’ Bronco Coat 127-112 on the back of Kyren Williams, Jesse has that crucial head-to-head tiebreaker.

Amazingly, with just two weeks to go, every division remains up for grabs, only two teams are out of wildcard contention, and every team is still alive in the PPG slots, with the exception of the Scrantonicity All-Stars who would need a pair of 200 point games to finish the season to even have a shot at it. Though Chris may be in all likelihood eliminated from playoff contention, he did just win back-to-back games and it’s the little victories sometimes that count the most.

$20 BOUNTY

Hunt earned this year’s bounty Week 1 by posting the lowest score of the week. He would beat Jesse Week 2, and TC Week 3, before losing the bounty to Jord in Week 4. Jord would then turn around and lose the bounty to TC in Week 5 and TC would hand it off to Drew in Week 6. Drew would lose it to the then undefeated Ewoldt in Week 7, who would lose his first game, and the bounty to Jesse in Week 8. Jesse would keep it in Week 9, beating Austin but then score the 3rd lowest point total in IFL history in Week 9, 48.76 points, and lost the bounty to Curtis in Week 10. Curtis lost the bounty to Qualley in Week 11, and Qualley carries it forward to Week 13, beating Scallon this week.

Bounty holder record this season: 4-7. Godspeed Qualley.

TOP DIVISION

Papa Jord’s has their best week of the season and takes over as the top division with just two weeks to go. Boy Scout Cyclones dig their way out of their hole somewhat, making a play for third.

PICK ‘EM

A brutal week in pick ‘em with our best pickers going 2 for 4. Chris ties things up with Qualley at the top.

The Commissioner

Week 11 Recap

 

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
THE GROOVERS
Coach Hunt
128.31 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Curtis’ Bronco Coat
Coach Nick
Trevor Lawrence - 32.18 pts

Current Playoff Standings

  1. Qualley’s DSM Football Team (8-3) [Papa Jord Leader]

  2. Ewoldt’s Course Rangers (8-3) [X-IA Leader] X-IA

  3. Nick’s Curtis’ Bronco Coat (6-5) [Cul-de-Sack Leader]

  4. John’s Scallon Express (6-5) [Boy Scout Cyclone Leader]

  5. Hunt’s Groovers (8-3) [Wildcard Leader] X-IA

  6. Jesse’s La Bamba (7-4) [Wildcard Leader] X-IA

  7. Jack’s Tuna with Mustard (5-6) [PPG Leader - 116 PPG] X-IA

  8. Austin’s Goffpocalpyse (5-6) [PPG Leader - 116 PPG] Papa Jord’s

Bubble Teams

  • Jord’s Shirt Brothers (6-5) 111 PPG X-IA

  • Aaron’s No Nonsense Nelson (5-6) 113 PPG BSC

  • Curtis’ 3-Peat Pick ‘Em Champ (5-6) 109 PPG CdS

  • Brady’s ALL-TIME D (5-6) 107 PPG CdS

Jerry Jeudy may have rode the bench for Jord’s 78-112 loss to Nelson this week, but it’s nice to see him pay tribute to his elders. Thanks Qualley, for catching Jeudy’s clear reference to Top 15 Flag Football Highlights: Day 1.

You’ll also note above that prior to my pump faking Nate, Curtis also gets owned, and at the end you’ll see his meta wave to the camera. I have no doubt that was Qualley’s true intention for digging up this one, as Qualley would equally handle Curtis this week, winning 123-117, and Curtis may be waving goodbye to his fantasy career. It’s a clutch win the Des Moines Football Team, the hottest team in the league, particularly with Jord losing, as he now extends his divisional lead to 2 games in Papa Jord’s. Curtis is actually fine; however, as he sits still just a game back in the Cul-de-Sack, as the entire division, save Dierks’ Heathens, would lose this week, namely the division leader Nick, who would lose in MNF to Austin 101-107. I’m also happy to report that Duncan would pick up his second win of the season, smoking ALL-TIME D and their joke of a roster 104-88. And to add insult to injury, Joe Burrow is dead. Brady may be soon too.

But if you want to talk about somebody whose fantasy career is actually over - look no further than Andrew Gustin. Practice enough dark magic and before long you become cursed. I mean, the guy somehow engineers his way out of his top player Jonathan Taylor’s bye via a trade of him to Jesse for Tyreek Hill (who already had his bye) and it’s still not enough. Qualley may be the hottest coach in the league right now, but a close second, Hunt, took Drew’s soul this week, beating him 128-119. Drew’s stupid potato team falls to 4-7 and has now lost five straight, a hilarious feat that I wouldn’t know anything about. Like the yang to Drew’s yin, Hunt has now won five straight and moves to 8-3.

Amazingly, Hunt is still not the X-IA leader, as the other X-IA Tanner, Ewoldt, ends his 3-game slide with a big win over TC, 105-92. Ewoldt remains tied with Hunt, but crucially has that head-to-head tiebreaker should it come to that. Also, continuing to cause trouble in that division, Jesse and La Bamba, who after his sub-fifty point performance last week rebounded and grinded out a win against the Scallon Express 108-89, and re-earns his bid for a wildcard spot in the playoffs. The Express’s lead in the BSC falls to just a game with Nelson’s win. Jesse may be the winner of the aforementioned trade, as he eats the the Jonathan Taylor bye and still picks up the win this week.

The Scallon Express has been a confounding team to cover, as they started the season 5-1, and have been the #1 power-ranked team since week 6 when Scallon made the seemingly GM move of the year, trading away Zach Moss to Duncan for Deebo Samuel. But Deebo would get hurt in Week 6, miss 3 weeks, plus the bye and has scored a combined 24.35 points the last two weeks. Since that trade the Express has gone 2-4. To add insult to injury, Cooper Kupp and Kenneth Walker both exited their games with injuries this week, and are in some doubt to play next week. All that said, the Express still has a lot of weapons, a one game lead in the weak BSC, and if they can get to the playoffs and get healthy, they’ll be a formidable opponent.

Three weeks to go, gentlemen. Time to test your mettle.

$20 BOUNTY

Hunt earned this year’s bounty Week 1 by posting the lowest score of the week. He would beat Jesse Week 2, and TC Week 3, before losing the bounty to Jord in Week 4. Jord would then turn around and lose the bounty to TC in Week 5 and TC would hand it off to Drew in Week 6. Drew would lose it to the then undefeated Ewoldt in Week 7, who would lose his first game, and the bounty to Jesse in Week 8. Jesse would keep it in Week 9, beating Austin but then score the 3rd lowest point total in IFL history in Week 9, 48.76 points, and lost the bounty to Curtis in Week 10. Curtis lost the bounty to Qualley in Week 11.

Bounty holder record this season: 3-7. Godspeed Qualley.

TOP DIVISION

Huge week from X-IA extends their lead to 18.

PICK ‘EM

Last year’s pick ‘em champ goes perfect this week but Qualley tightens up his game to hold a one point lead.

The Commissioner

Week 10 Recap

 

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Des Moines Football Team
Coach Qualley
154.78 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Tuna with Mustard
Coach Jack (2nd time this season)
Keenan Allen - 41.3 pts

Current Playoff Standings

  1. Qualley’s DSM Football Team (7-3) [Papa Jord Leader]

  2. Ewoldt’s Course Rangers (7-3) [X-IA Leader] X-IA

  3. Nick’s Curtis’ Bronco Coat (6-4) [Cul-de-Sack Leader]

  4. John’s Scallon Express (6-4) [Boy Scout Cyclone Leader]

  5. Hunt’s Groovers (7-3) [Wildcard Leader] X-IA

  6. Jord's Shirt Brothers (6-4) [Wildcard Leader] Papa Jord’s

  7. Austin’s Goffpocalpyse (4-6) [PPG Leader - 117 PPG] Papa Jord’s

  8. Jack’s Tuna with Mustard (5-5) [PPG Leader - 116 PPG] X-IA

Bubble Teams

  • Jesse’s La Bamba (6-4) X-IA

  • Brady’s ALL-TIME D (5-5) CdS

  • Curtis’ 3-Peat Pick ‘Em Champ (5-5) CdS

Fantasy football is a mystifying pastime, isn’t it? Producing at times weightless euphoria and other times gut-wrenching, hair pulling despair, and sometimes those moments are within minutes of the very same Monday Night Football game you’re watching.

Take my Dierks’ Heathens for example - up 40 points going into MNF - ahead of their most hated rival Andrew “Author of All My Pain” Gustin. After a full quarter of his two players being held to just two catches, and Sleeper upping my chance of winning to 99%, I foolishly let just a smidgin of hope creep in, and within 4 minutes of each other on back-to-back possessions, his two players would each score touchdowns, cutting my lead to 15 and my chance of winning down to 83%. As his players widdled that 15 down to 8, and both had chances to score a TD and win him the game, it’s not an exaggeration to tell to you that the final two quarters of that game shaved two decades of my life. But alas, Dierks’ Heathens would vanquish the idiotic Drew, and his awful team, and until next weekend - euphoria.

And then there’s Jesse and La Bamba, featured in last week’s post as the current win streak leader, winner of five straight, and sitting in the top Wildcard spot, as the then #5 seed in the playoffs. That’s when the fantasy gods come for you. With his #1 and #2 scorers on bye (Cheetah and Swift), La Bamba would start just two players that would score more than 7 points, and if not for Big Game Gabe Davis, putting up 10.1 points last night, Jesse would have cemented himself as the lowest scoring team of all time. Instead, his 48.76-108.72 loss to Curtis will place him 2nd on the all-time low list:

  1. The C-Team - Anton - 45.37 pts (2019 Week 3)

  2. La Bamba - Jesse - 48.76 (2023 Week 10)

  3. The Nut Grabbing 9-Year-Olds - Joe - 48.78 pts (2018 Week 9)

  4. Brady’s Boat Bucks - Joe - 52.17 pts (2021 Week 16)

  5. El Slobberknockers - Brady - 54.48 pts (2015 Week 2)

 

Can’t keep a good man down; however, as Coach Jesse boldly proclaims he’s going all the way:

In other news, Ewoldt loses his 3rd straight game as his hype bubble burst in trademark fashion, this week losing to Nick 107-118. It’s an important win for Nick, who wrestles himself back into a one-game lead over the CdS. Ewoldt, who once had a 3-game lead in his division, has now opened the door to Hunt, who is now on a 4-game win streak himself, after beating TC this week 134-100. Both Tanners (not TC) are 7-3, and for Ewoldt’s sake he does hold the head-to-head tiebreaker against Hunt, but he’ll need to stop the backslide if he wants to hold onto the reigns. Hunt has averaged the most points in the league over the last 4 weeks, and become the 2nd highest scoring team on the season.

All of these things speak to the razor’s edge margin of error many have alluded to about the IFL and particularly this season. We’ve got some hot teams right now, certainly, but no one team has been flat out dominant this season, and in fact, I analyzed the point differential of the highest scoring team from each season of our league history compared to the league average, to see where our current point leader, Qualley, stacked up to historic teams:

Points Differential (Percentage Better than League Average that Year)

  1. Don't Mess with the Zoquon - TC - 145.27 PPG +24.13% (2019)

  2. Momma Cat - Jord - 154.59 PPG +23.32% (2018)

  3. Tatooine Sith Lords Zach - 146.58 PPG +21.03% (2015)

  4. The GROOVERS - Hunt - 141.47 PPG +20.36% (2021)

  5. Bellhops - Jack - 137.15 PPG +20.08% (2017)

  6. Brett's Regrets - Drew - 137.37 PPG +17.38% (2019)

  7. Badassmailman - Aaron - 127.62 PPG +17.05% (2022)

  8. Slick Rick's Firepoles - Drew - 145.83 PPG +16.33% (2018)

  9. Grady Olson Presents - Aaron - 140.5 PPG +15.66% (2016)

  10. FULLY STOCKED - Brady - 174.79 PPG +12.15% (2020)

Qualley’s 122.93 PPG is only a 9.94% point differential to the league average (111.82 PPG) this season, and that is the lowest-ever for a season point leader. Now there’s still a lot of football to be played, so this can change of course, but at least though 10 weeks, the parity in the league is at an all-time high.

The Des Moines Football Team, after being highlighted last week, only shined that much brighter under the spotlight this week, as Coach Qualley posted a league-high 155 points against Aaron, despite having two of his players, Heinicke and Mattison, knocked out of their respective games. Qualley has ascended to the top of the overall standings…. for now.

Finally, Brady and Jord, two bottom feeders, whose teams’ level of heart does so much heavy lifting finally settled the score on whose heart is bigger, with the Shirt Brothers’ CeeDee Lamb putting on a clinic, and icing Brady 114-99. Jord moves to 6-4, and sits a game back in his namesake division, while Brady falls back a game in the CdS. Jord continues to grit out wins, but you know what they say about a big heart…

$20 BOUNTY

Hunt earned this year’s bounty Week 1 by posting the lowest score of the week. He would beat Jesse Week 2, and TC Week 3, before losing the bounty to Jord in Week 4. Jord would then turn around and lose the bounty to TC in Week 5 and TC would hand it off to Drew in Week 6. Drew would lose it to the then undefeated Ewoldt in Week 7, who would lose his first game, and the bounty to Jesse in Week 8. Jesse would keep it in Week 9, beating Austin but then score the 3rd lowest point total in IFL history in Week 9, 48.76 points, and lost the bounty to Curtis in Week 10. Curtis will face Qualley in Week 11, the hottest team in the league.

TOP DIVISION

Status quo all-around, but Papa Jord’s does cut X-Iowa’s lead down to 2 games.

PICK ‘EM

I touched on the unpredictability of this season last week, and here it is again, with our best pickers this week going 2 for 5. Two of our game polls only had a single picker get it right - Jack the lone picker to select Curtis’ Bronco Coat and Austin the only buck to have the sack to pick Dierks’ Heathens (bless you). Amidst the mess, Qualley places himself back on top.

The Commissioner

Week 9 Recap

 

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Tuna with Mustard
Coach Jack
153.31 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
TC Schefter
Coach TC
CJ Stroud - 40.8 pts

9 weeks in, what is the story of the season thus far? It’s got to be X-Iowa.

To illustrate, let’s take a look at the current playoff seeding if the season ended today:

  1. Ewoldt’s Course Rangers (7-2) [X-IA Champ]

  2. Qualley’s DSM Football Team (6-3) [Papa Jord Champ]

  3. Nick’s Curtis’ Bronco Coat (5-4) [Cul-de-Sack Champ]

  4. John’s Scallon Express (5-4) [Boy Scout Cyclone Champ]

  5. Jesse’s La Bamba (6-3) [Wildcard] X-IA

  6. Hunt’s Groovers (6-3) [Wildcard] X-IA

  7. Austin’s Goffpocalpyse (4-5) [PPG] Papa Jord’s

  8. Jack’s Tuna with Mustard (4-5) [PPG] X-IA

That’s right, currently, all four X-IA teams are in playoff position. Still five weeks to go, of course, so much things may change, but it sheds light on the fact that X-IA has been rolling.

And intrigue in that division heats up, as Ewoldt dropped their second straight loss after starting off the season 7-0, this week to a guy who clearly just wants it more, Brady, and his ragtag gang of circus clowns, who have somehow managed to average 3rd most points in the league over the last four weeks and have clawed their way above .500. They knock off the Course Rangers 133-117, and Ewoldt’s division lead falls to just a single game. Ewoldt, for what it’s worth, is still the 4th highest scoring team in the league, so don’t worry about him too much.

The teams taking advantage of Ewoldt’s loss - La Bamba and the Groovers - both continue their win streaks. Jesse’s league best, five consecutive wins, this week comes curtesy of a defensive struggle against Austin, with 11 of their 18 players scoring less than 10 points. Jesse, who played his 3rd best QB option, as it turned out, didn’t need any better anyway, and would win 78-68. Before you wonder about Goffpocalypse, just know that his top 3 players were all on bye. He’ll also be fine. Hunt would also grind out a win, in our Game of the Week, against Nelson, winning 99-91. Hunt and Jesse get to within a game of Ewoldt in X-IA, amazingly, after what seemed like a potential runaway title for the Course Rangers.

And then there’s Tuna with Mustard, who like the Bengals, are getting healthy again, and boy is that scary. The Doc had lost 5 out of 6 games for a stretch there, but you score enough points on the season, and you can still earn a playoff bid, and they came out with surgical precision in week 9, doubling up on the Scallon Express 153-65. Boy, has the Scallon Express taken a long detour or what? After starting the season 5-1, and looking like the bus out of Speed, the Express has dropped 3 games in a row, and though clearly still stacked with talent, will look to get back on track in Week 10. Luckily for the Express, the whole Boy Scout Cyclone division would lose this week: Drew losing to Jord 77-103, Aaron losing to Hunt, and Chris losing to Nick 75-89, which means that they’ll maintain their one game lead in the division.

Finally, I would be remiss if I did not highlight Qualley’s Des Moines Football Team a bit. We don’t have to get into who they played this week or the fact that that team has lost 7 straight games, or why and how there’s irrefutable proof that that team is cursed, but rather, let’s talk about Qualley. I mean, the handsome devil, er… angel, won this week against a team that shall not be named 136-129, improving to 6-3, and maintains a one-game lead in Papa Jord’s. But with the score, they’ve become the highest scoring team in the league, averaging 119 PPG, and have averaged 128 PPG over the last four weeks, also a league best. And it’s the depth that’s scary. His fifth highest scorer, Michael Pittman, is averaging 14.7 PPG on the season, a full 2.7 PPG higher than the next best fifth man in the league. His #2 scorer, the Sun God, on bye this week? No problem, I’ll just motivate my rookie, Tank Dell, 2023 Name of the Year Winner, to drop a 30-burger. I’m just saying, if you’re going to lose your 7th straight game, I’d want it to be him. And Qualley is him.

X-IA takes over as the top division on the season, as the Boy Scout Cyclones have an all-time bad week. They posted 3 of the bottom 4 scores, and earned an all-play record of 11-49. Oof.

Your commissioner posts a perfect week to tie things up with Qualley, and the Pickers’ Consensus slips into first place. Fun fact: the Pickers’ Consensus has never finished the season on top, but has gotten 2nd place 4 times. It’s also, thus far, a highly unpredictable season, as the consensus percentage is only 52%, and the lowest it has ever been for a season is 61%.

The Commissioner

Week 8 Recap

 

Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Goffpocalypse
Coach Austin
148.90 pts

Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Shirt Brothers
Coach Jord
CeeDee Lamb - 41 pts
(Back to back weeks for Shirt Brothers having the highest scoring player)

Rivalry Week, once again, does not disappoint. It had everything: upsets, snapped streaks, games coming down to MNF, and a dark magic 1v1 that you will have to see to believe.

PINEVIEW LEGENDS

There were a bevy of upsets, but the one that had to have meant the most was Chris finally getting in the win column, knocking off No Nonsense Nelson 125-111. Chris’ team is underdog personified now, as Zach Moss continues to poach tuddies and remain fantasy relevant, and he’s got some guy named Trey McBride that put up a near 30-burger this week????????? Amazing. Nelson falls to 4-4, but with the whole BSC division, save Scrantonicity, losing this week, it doesn’t hurt as bad as it could.

IOWA FALLS TRANSPLANTS

The other streak snapped this week was done so by Jesse, who lowered his head, and rammed those spikes into Ewoldt’s soft golfer underbelly. The ELITE Josh Dobbs sang his swan song this week, putting up a 20-burger, perhaps for the last time ever, as the Cardinal move on from him for god knows why, and La Bamba wins 139-95. The Course Rangers finally lose, and are now 7-1. It’s a clutch victory for Jesse, as it cuts Ewoldt’s division lead to just two games in X-IA. Also, somehow flying under the radar, is the fact that La Bamba is now the win streak leader in the IFL, at 4 straight, AND has the 3rd highest PPG in the league. 👀

FAILED MATHEMATICIANS

While we’re talking X-IA, another team who is heating up, Hunt’s Groovers, who also climb to 5-3, behind a devastating win against your cursed Commissioner, 147-132. Hunt’s squad is actually even hotter than Jesse’s, in terms of PPG, as they are the highest scoring team in the league over the last 4 weeks, averaging 129 PPG to Jesse’s 123 PPG (3rd best). It was an all around effort for Good Tanner Hunting, who had 8 of his 9 players score 12 points or higher. The X-IA division continues to get spicier. Dierks’ Heathens fall to 2-6 and threaten to have their worst season ever.

BACHELOR PARTY ABSENTEES

Perhaps the most dramatic battle this weekend was between these two bitter of rivals: D & B.

It’s a game of which I saw the projected winner flip nearly 10 different times, as Drew’s noon slate players scored points left and right, Brady’s WRs combined for 67 points, Joe Burrow put a 30-bomb for Brady in the late afternoon slot, and Hollywood Brown came alive in garbage time for Drew. Then in SNF Justin Herbert’s halftime twenty deuce looked like the death knell for Brady, but he would follow it up with just 4 more points to finish the game which left Davante Adams needing just 12 points in MNF to get Drew the dub, a feat he’s managed 5 out of 7 games this season. That’s when things began to interesting. As many of you know, Drew is deep into the dark arts, like so far gone that there’s no coming back, but this didn’t stop Brady from trying the unthinkable:

Performing a curse of his own, Brady pulled the uno reverse card on Drew, despite ESPN breaking headlines like this one:

There were a few more incantations uttered back and forth between the two but as someone who is actively trying to avoid Drew’s witchcraft, suffice it to say that whatever Brady did worked, as Davante caught just one catch against the Lions, and Brady would hold on to win 133-123. The ANABOLIC SPUDSMAN fall to 4-4, still tied with No Nonsense Nelson a game back in the BSC. Brady moves to 4-4, and again, despite all odds, his team drafted purely on physical beauty, is now in a tie for the divisional lead of the Cul-de-Sack.

CY-HAWK

Perhaps the quietest upset, and yet maybe the most shocking, was the seemingly unstoppable Scallon Express blowing their carburetor and losing to TC Schefter and his juicy scoops, 74-112. The devil works hard but TC Schefter works harder. TC is now 8-0 all-time against Scallon, quite similar to Matt Campbell’s track record against Iowa (1-6). Scallon is fortunate that Aaron and Drew’s losses keep him in the driver seat in the BSC. For TC, it’s a big win to get back to .500 and stay in the mix in the hyper-competitive Papa Jord’s division.

RICHARD BROS

Speaking of which, the Richard Bros was an absolute shootout, by which Jord and the Shirt Brothers could just not keep up. Goffpocalypse continues their offensive prowess, exploding for 149 points this week, to Shirt Brothers 124. Little Richard has now won 4 out of their last 5 games and continues their claim as the highest scoring team in the league. The game evens things up for Goffpocalypse, as they enter a 3-way tie for 2nd place with Jord and TC in Papa Jord’s.

MOST INTERESTING MEN IN THE WORLD

They can open piñatas with a wink and a smile.
The police often question them just because they find them interesting.
When they drive a new car off the lot, it increases in value.

This year’s battle of the gentlemen went to the junior, Qualley and his Des Moines Football Team, as they best the Doc’s Tuna with Mustard 118-98. Kirk Cousins gave one last valiant effort for the Doc, a twenty deuce before tearing his Achilles, but alas it was not enough, and that is the fickle nature of fantasy football. Qualley improves to 5-3 and now has sole ownership of the Papa Jord’s division lead, having now won 3 consecutive games.

JANE’S BASMENT

Everyone in the Cul-de-Sack was rooting for a Curtis victory this week, in the Battle of Jane’s Basement, and they got one, behind 3 near 30-bombs from George Kittle, Gus Edwards and Dak Prescott, as the 3-Peat Pick ‘Em Champ sent Nick back upstairs to play Gamecube by himself, winning 135-119. Nick falls to 4-4 on the season and now enters a dogfight for the Cul-de-Sack title, as he ties with Brady and Curtis gets to within a game back.

X-IA with another great weeks puts them into a tie with Papa Jord’s. The Cul-de-Sack finally wakes up and course corrects with big scores, and climbs out from the bottom.

A wild rivalry week makes for tough picking, but a few take advantage. Don’t look now, but last year’s pick ‘em champ has been usurped by the scholar Qualley.

The Commissioner

Iowa Fantasy League
16 member league

Champions to Date
2022 - Curtis
2021 - TC
2020 - Jack
2019 - TC
2018 - Drew
2017 - Jack
2016 - Matt
2015 - Zach
2014 - Nick
 

Season Awards
Champion: $342
Runner-Up: $70
3rd Place: $10
Regular Season Champ: $15
Division Winner: $28
Wild Card: $7
Pick 'Em Champ: $25

Weekly Awards
Highest Scoring Team = $15
Highest Scoring Player = $7