Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Des Moines Football Team
Coach Qualley (3rd time this season; back to back weeks)
161.24 pts
Highest Scoring Player ($7)
Mr. Autodraft
Coach Ewoldt
Josh Allen - 34.4 pts
As Jeff Saturday and the Colts surrendered the biggest lead in NFL history this weekend, Aaron the Badassmailman may have suffered the biggest upset in IFL history, losing the opening round of the playoffs to Drew and his tiresome GOATHIVE 101-119. It was an outcome no one predicted, literally not a single Pick ‘Em participant picked GOATHIVE, and one that even coach Drew himself though was a forgone conclusion:
It’s got to be frustrating on multiple counts for Aaron, who hand-selected Drew as his opponent this week, and had he picked the other team he had considered, the Scallon Express, he’d be in the semifinals right now. But looking at the game, he benched Waddle, who put up 20 points, in favor of Miles Sanders, who netted just 0.4 points. It’s hard to blame him though, as Miles had two 30-bombs in his previous three games, and Waddle had just posted 2 and 6 point games coming into Week 15.
Alas, fantasy football is a fickle beast, and another GOATED team falls short in the playoffs, joining the ranks of Drew’s 2014 Horsetown Naysayers, Tony’s 2015 Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory, my 2017 Flaming Red Hot Gingers, and Brady’s 2020 FULLY STOCKED, the four other regular season champs that couldn’t bring home the hardware.
Elsewhere….
How about a BIG HUGE FREAKING CONGRATULATIONS to Qualley and his bride on their union this week and apparently worldwide honeymoon. It was really profound to see Cartagena in person, and though there was no doubt in my mind, that yes, nobody looks better in white than Qualley.
But I mean, you want to talk about a player’s coach, there is no person more responsible for the greatest comeback in NFL history than Qualley, as though his Kirk Cousins / Justin Jefferson stack started off poorly in the first half against the Colts, a reportedly fiery international conference call between Qualley, Cousins, and Jefferson at halftime led to the pair emerging at the half with a renewed motivation and their combined 60 fantasy points led the Vikings to a comeback victory, and launched the DSM Football Team into a monstrous 161 points, which was more than enough to defeat the X-IA division champ Tufted Titmice.
Jack, the fellow Most Interesting Man in the World, stated after the game that there is “no person in the league he’d rather be knocked out of the playoffs by.” The Titmice are a spicy team to knock out too, as they were averaging the second most points on the season, and second most over the last four weeks, second only to Qualley and the Des Moines Football Team. With Aaron out of the picture, Qualley’s team in now the highest scoring remaining team in the playoffs.
TC, alongside Jack, was another former IFL champ who bit the dust in the quarters, as his meager 86 points wasn’t going to cut it against Austin’s 117 points, led by their captain, Justin Fields’ 24 points, and their spiritual captain Brock Purdy. Austin’s first playoff campaign begins 1-0, and he’ll meet Curtis next week, who is the only division winner to survive the quarterfinals, demolishing the Scallon Express 133-75 in their matchup.
The Consolation Bracket and Tournament to Not Be Last diverge as both winners and losers move on to the next stage with perhaps the biggest upset coming at the hands of Jord, who was handpicked by Brady for the matchup with a succinct: “I want Jord.” Jord responded in kind, posting the most points in the bracket, and icing Brady 124-117.
When the moneyballs are on the line, Chris clutches up, giving himself a 7 point lead heading into the final two weeks of the season.
