Highest Scoring Team ($15)
Don’t Mess with the Zoquon
Coach TC
214.38 pts (highest score in IFL history, both 16-team and 12-team eras.)
Highest Scoring Player ($7)
The C-Team
Coach Tony
Kenyan Drake - 42.6 pts
Pickup of the Week
Brett’s Regrets
Coach Drew
Breshad Perriman - $0 FAB
33.1 pts in Week 15
High Bid of the Week
Don’t Mess with the Zoquon
Coach TC
Jalen Richard - $11 FAB
5.6 pts in Week 15
Bench of the Week
Hufflepuff Badgers
Coach Jack
Anthony Miller - 25.3 pts
Benched for LeSean McCoy - 2.6 pts
A reverse of last year’s semifinals, this year brings record-setting offense, the Scallon Express and Brett’s Regret’s both putting up 146 points, which was enough to bury Jesse’s 3-2-1 SPIKE!, who only managed 91, but when you’re going up against the rocketship built without brakes that is Don’t Mess with the Zoquon, 146 just doesn’t cut it. TC somehow managed 214.38 points this week, beating Jord’s 2018 record of 202.16, and Brady’s 12-man league record of 212.50 points.
How do you accomplish such a feat? Well, it starts with Lamar Jackson and his regular 40 points. Miles Sanders - 35 points. Kittle, Parker and the Vikings DST combine for 75. And then your 8th best player on the season, Saquon Barkley scores 31. Average 10 points among your other 4 players and you’re home free. Now, it must be said, Michael Gallup only scored 1.6 points, so as ridiculous as it sounds, it does open the door for the record to be challenged. Maybe TC will take another crack at that in the IFL Superbowl. TC’s victory, of course, means that Drew will not be returning to the big game for the 2nd year in a row, what would have been his 3rd appearance, thank God.
Jesse misses his opportunity to make his first ever appearance, posting his 3rd lowest score of the season, with injuries to Chark, Smith-Schuster and lame performances from Tyler Boyd, and Emmanuel Sanders, the near Coach of the Year couldn’t put his best together at the right time, and will pack it up and try again next year. Godspeed, brother.
But we will have two new faces in the IFL Superbowl. TC & Scallon. Oh boy, oh boy! I don’t know if any team out there can beat TC, but the Express is good for an ol’ college try. More on that matchup in the pick ‘em poll.
Championship Playoffs
Consolations
TOURNAMENT TO NOT BE LAST
Unexpectedly, Tony scores nearly twenty points higher than he’s scored all season, and fifty points more than his season average, thanks to a $7, 42 point performance from Kenyan Drake, sending Curtis, who entered the season as the 3rd winningest coach, to IFL infamy, in the worst of ways. Curtis is the 2019 IFL Loser of the Year. Something tells me he’ll come back strong next year, but not after enduring one of the following punishments:
Give a cash prize to the winner of the consolation bracket.
Take SAT
Run a 5K in a taco costume, must eat three crunchy tacos supreme at 1st mile marker, two crunchy tacos supreme at 2nd mile marker, and one crunchy tacos supreme at 3rd mile marker. League Taco participant can only drink Mountain Dew Baja Blast to wash down his shame.
Buys 1st and 2nd rounds of drinks for next year’s draft party.
Panhandle for next year’s league fees.
a. Winner chooses location
b. Second place chooses outfitLivestream themselves doing a full nfl combine workout.
Stay in a McDonalds for 24 hours. Each McChicken ate subtracts 30 minutes.
Caddy 9-18 holes for the league winner. Taco buys the brews.
Run for Congress. Fill out all the necessary paperwork
Write 1,000 page essay about how great the league winner is.
And an excellent outside idea from Jesse:
Remake the Antonio Brown video about loser’s own life.
Nick adds to his lead with a strong week, entering the final week of the fantasy season up 7, but with plenty of wagers to come, anything can happen.
It’s the final hour, gents.